I Can't Help But Love You
by jfryman
Summary: Bella and Edward fall in love in high school but things take a turn for the worse when Esme is diagnosed with breast cancer. This is their story of how they overcome all obstacles to try and be together. All human. Canon pairings.
1. Author's Note

Dear Readers –

First of all thanks for stopping by. I do not own the characters – I credit them to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer. This story is an all-human interaction between Bella and Edward. It takes place over the years of high school through to adult life. It is rather complicated to follow because I wrote each chapter either in the past or present so be aware of that before reading.

I have been working in this one for about a year. I started off handwriting it because I wanted a change. I have just recently put it on computer and have been editing it ever since. It was my first time going back and forth between past and present times and I rather like how it turned out – the format is different than what I usually do.

This story is dark and mentions two suicide attempts, hints at an eating disorder, and of course is full on angst and best of all love. The main story line is between Bella and Edward but the other main characters are also in there. Enjoy and as always – thanks for reading.

Summary: Bella and Edward fall in love in high school but things take a turn for the worse when Esme is diagnosed with breast cancer. This is their story of how they overcome all obstacles to try and be together through the years of turmoil.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 – BPOV**** (Present Day)**

"Why didn't you tell me?" I shouted.

He just shrugged. I slapped him across the face and walked out. I went downstairs where Esme was sitting at the kitchen table. I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm not going anywhere. I will be here for you mom."

She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder, "You have to forgive him Bella. He wasn't sure how you would take it."

"I may have lost one mother to breast cancer but I sure as hell am not losing another."

"Bella you don't have to do this."

I shook my head, "Yes I do Esme. I wasn't there for Renee. I am going to be there for you."

"He needs you Bella. He needs you to help him through this."

"He made me believe that he didn't love me mom. He moved 3,000 miles away without so much as a goodbye. I would still be in Forks had I not called Jasper."

"They'll be here soon then too, I suppose."

"We're all going to be here for you. You are going to beat this."

"I love you Bella."

I made Esme some breakfast before we headed to her chemotherapy appointment. She has really good odds of beating the breast cancer. It was caught early. I sat by myself at the hospital. Things would have been different if he just would have told me – if he hadn't broken my heart. I quickly wiped away the traitor tears that rolled down my cheeks. I looked up to see Carlisle staring at me. He made his way over and took the chair across from me.

He took my hands into his, "Bella I don't think I can ever thank you enough for being here for Esme."

"I couldn't be there for Renee, Carlisle."

"I know but what my son did was wrong Bella…"

I cut him off, "He should have told me! Keeping this from me then just leaving without a word."

"Think of it from his perspective," he pleaded.

"I would have told him if the roles had been reversed Carlisle – and you know that. Come on – it's me! It was his way of telling me that it is over; he doesn't love me anymore and that is just fine. I am here for Esme – not him."

He shook his head from side to side, "I should have told him you were coming."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"He had the right to know!"

"Yeah? Well so did I! You don't just make someone fall in love with you then leave. I would have completely understood. We would have made it work."

"Why did you decide to come? You gave up everything in Forks to come to New York."

"When Jasper told me why you left my heart broke even more than it already was. Esme is the mother I never had. I had to do something. I was a wreck and I knew the only way to fix it was to come to New York and be there for her."

"But when you called me to make the arrangements you specifically wanted me not to tell Edward, why?"

"Because he would have stopped it. I'm here for Esme, not him… He didn't need to know."

"You honestly think he doesn't love you anymore?"

"I know so Carlisle…"

He dropped my hands and shook his head at me again, "You don't know anything Bella."

I felt the tears begin to pool in my eyes. I blinked them away just in time to see Esme walking towards me. I stood and wrapped my arms around her waist. I drove us both home and put Esme straight to bed. Em, Edward, and Alice were due home from school any moment. I decided to start supper; it would keep me busy.

When they got home Alice walked in and immediately started helping me, "School is just so different without you, Jasper, and Rosalie."

Emmett walked in then and took a seat at the counter.

"I missed you Bella," he pouted.

I giggled and went to sit in his lap, "You just miss Rose."

He nodded, "She called last night. Her and Jazz are all set to spend the summer here."

Alice squealed, "Oh I know."

I just shook my head and went back to work. Alice eventually left, rather abruptly though. I wasn't sure why until Emmett pulled me back into his lap.

"Talk to me Bella."

I shrugged, "What do you want to talk about Em?"

He sighed, "Please Bella. Don't shut him out like this."

"Not you too! This was his choice – not mine."

"Do you know why he didn't tell you?"

"I don't care anymore Emmett! He chose to break my heart instead of telling me the truth." I was sobbing now, "He made me feel like every kiss, every touch, every word was a lie."

"He didn't want to hurt you Bella. He wanted to keep those last few weeks as happy as possible."

"Well that didn't work because he hurt me by distancing himself from me and making me feel like I did something wrong."

"Bella he loves you..."

I stood and wiped my face, "That is where you are wrong Emmett."

He got up and left the kitchen, shoulders slumped. I put the finishing touches on supper in silence. I made a smaller plate for Esme and took it to her. She was reading a book when I opened the door.

"I made you something to eat. I kept the palate neutral just in case you weren't feeling well."

She smiled, "Thank you Bella."

I sat down next to her on the bed and handed her the evening pills and a glass of water. She took them quickly and started taking small bites of her supper.

"Do you think I am being fair to Edward?"

She looked at me and sighed, "Bella, I love my son but he made his decisions and now he will have to live with the consequences."

"Carlisle told me today that I didn't know anything. I told him that I believed Edward doesn't love me anymore."

She shook her head, "He was just upset. He wants to see you two happy as much as the rest of us."

"I just don't get why he didn't tell me. Me of all people! I could have helped."

I felt the tears again – damn I was an emotional wreck lately.

"Just follow your heart Bella."

She took a few more bites then pushed the tray away.

"I think I am going to lie down for a while Bella."

"Okay, I'll be in later to help you with your bath."

She nodded and shut her eyes. I took the tray and shut off the lights on my way out. When I shut the door I nearly walked right into Carlisle.

"Is she resting?"

I nodded and walked around him. He sat his things down and followed me back into the kitchen.

"Bella I wanted to apologize for my behavior this afternoon. I was completely out of line."

"It's okay, I know it hurts you to see him like this."

He nodded, "I love my son Bella. I just want the two of you happy – no matter how that happiness takes place."

I understood what he was saying, "Thank you."

He kissed my cheek and left the kitchen. About ten minutes later we were all sitting at the kitchen table eating supper. I pushed the food around on my plate – I couldn't look up. You could cut the tension with a knife.

Emmett broke the silence, "How's mom doing Bella?"

I shrugged, "She's okay now but she also just started her treatments."

"You know Bella I don't think I ever thanked you for doing this. I'm glad you're here – we couldn't get through this without you."

I looked up at Emmett, "Thank you Em. I'm just glad Jasper told me what was going on so I could help."

I glanced over at him then. He looked horrible – the bags under his eyes, the red swollen lids. His hair was matted down and his fingers clenched his fork – almost like he was ready to snap it in half. His appearance reminded me of what I went through after he left. That was when I crawled into bed with Rose and Jazz and learned the truth. It had only been a week since I found out – everyone else knew long before me and they were determined to make the long-distance work.

I was never offered that option. I was thrown aside like yesterday's garbage.

I stood from the table and ran to Alice's room – which was currently mine as well. I curled into the furthest corner from the door and let the sobs free from my body. I was vaguely aware of Alice holding me. I don't remember much of that night. I woke up early and found myself wrapped between Alice and Emmett. I fell back asleep quickly knowing I was safe in their arms.

Morning came too quickly – per usual. I crawled from the bed and tiptoed downstairs. I wasn't surprised to see Esme sitting at the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"Bella you are only human. You need time to grieve as much as the rest of us."

"Would you like your bath now?"

She nodded and I helped her into the master bathroom.

"Could you pick out a jog suit for me to wear today Bella?"

Once she was in the water I got her clothes ready for her. She was bathed and clothed when there was a knock on the door. Alice walked in with a worried look on her face.

"Bella is everything all right?"

I shook my heard, "No Al. My heart is broken. I feel used."

She wrapped her arms around me, "We'll get you through this Bella. Things will be so much better once Jasper and Rosalie get here."

I nodded, "I hope so."

That night Edward didn't come down for supper. I left him a tray of food by his door before cleaning up the kitchen. I was washing the last plate when he came in. He stood frozen in the doorway at first. He eventually set his things on the counter and cleared his throat.

"I can do my own dishes."

"Okay." I rinsed the last plate and left the kitchen without another word. I went upstairs to call my dad but stopped when I heard Al and Em talking.

"I've never seen him like this Alice."

"He broke her heart Em. Think of how she felt when she found out from Jasper why we left and how us four were still going to make it work?"

"I just wish I would have known. I would have told her everything."

"Me too."

"He is such a fucking idiot. If he wasn't punishing himself right now, I sure as hell would be."

I froze and gasped. Edward was punishing himself, how?

"What do you mean Emmett?"

"I walked in on him cutting himself Alice. He made me promise not to tell you."

I slid down the wall, my body wracking in silent sobs. I was doing this to him. I wasn't any better than he was. I had to make things right. I stood up and flew down the steps. Edward was still in the kitchen and I had to get to him before he did something stupid. When I got there he was running his fingers along a knife set that sat on the counter.

I grabbed his hand and dragged him upstairs. I slammed his door shut, and locked it. I then proceeded to push his dresser in front of the door.

"What are you doing Bella?"

His voice was strained – sad – heartbroken.

I turned around to face him, "Show me Edward."

He brows furrowed and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You can't fool me Edward. You think I don't see what you are doing to yourself? Show me Edward, please?"

I kept my voice calm, my eyes pleaded with him. He took his shirt off first, followed slowly by his pants. I looked at all the bandages and gauze on his body. I walked up to him, cautioning him with my eyes. I cupped his face in my hands and made his eyes meet mine.

"Let me give you a bath?"

He barely nodded. I took both of his hands into mine and led him into his bathroom. I turned on the water and poured some peppermint bath salt into the water. It might hurt like hell but it would help heal some of the cuts.

He slid into the water, wincing slightly. We took off all the bandages and gauze. The oldest cuts were only a few days old, but the newest ones I could tell were from only a few hours ago.

"Why Edward?" I asked washing his body.

"It was the only way to ease the pain of losing you Bella."

I shook my head, "You didn't lose me Edward."

His eyes met mine, "I'm sorry Bella. If it means anything to you – I'm so very sorry."

I nodded and wiped away my tears. I helped him dry off. I put antibiotic ointment on every cut and re-bandaged him up. I helped him with his pajamas and he offered me some as well. I moved the dresser back and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Edward, tell me where they are."

He eyes fell and he showed me the razors, knives, and other sharp objects he was using. I stuffed them into a pillow case and threw them all out the window.

"I want Emmett to watch you shave until I know you can be trusted."

He simply nodded and crawled into bed. I climbed in next to him and pulled him gently into my arms. He was safe for now and that was all that mattered.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – BPOV**** (Four Years Earlier)**

"Are you nervous Bells?"

"I'm fine dad."

"First day of high school can be rough – especially being the new kid."

I nodded. I knew all this. Of course my first day was going to be miserable.

"I love you dad. See you after you get off work."

He kissed my forehead and I headed out the front door as the bus pulled up. I took my seat in the very back and slid down, pulling out my tattered copy of A Walk to Remember Me. I was vaguely aware of a big, brawny, curly-haired kid staring at me, but I just focused on my book.

"You're in my seat."

I glanced over and stared into the deep blue eyes of that same curly-haired boy.

"I'm sorry I didn't see your name on it."

He just chuckled, "I like your guts new girl, what's your name?"

"Bella and yours?"

He held out his hand, "I'm Emmett. My younger brother and sister are currently sitting in front of you."

I immediately glanced up to see two pairs of green eyes looking at me.

"I'm Alice," said the girl.

Her short brown hair was curled and pinned neatly back. They boy had already dropped back down as Alice smiled at me.

"How do you like Forks, Bella?"

"It's all right I guess. My dad and I just recently moved here from Phoenix."

"Alice Cullen – You need to be sitting!" The bus driver yelled.

Alice dropped immediately but at the next stop Emmett and Alice switched seats.

"Wait is your dad the new Chief of Police then?"

I nodded. I knew we would be gossip in such a small town.

"Why would you move from Phoenix to Forks though?"

I looked down, grief washing over me. No one knew about Renee, my mother; the reason for our abrupt move. My dad was just lucky about the job – we made everyone believe that was the reason for out move – how wrong it was to lie over and over.

"Well my dad got the job and there was nothing tying us down in Phoenix, so we moved."

She nodded as the bus pulled up in front of the school.

"I can show you to the office Bella," Alice said standing.

I smiled and rose out of my seat, "That would be great Alice – thanks."

I followed her off the bus, through the front doors and into the office. A tiny woman with bright red lipstick and matching shoulder-length hair smiled at me.

"Good morning Ms. Cope."

"Good morning Alice. I take it you had a good summer."

"I sure did. I have Bella here. She's new so I brought her immediately to you."

"That was sweet of you. Welcome Bella," she said offering me her hand.

"It's nice to meet you," I blushed.

She handed me my schedule and map.

Alice peeked over my shoulder and sighed, "Good you have some classes with me. Some with Edward too."

I looked at her, "Edward?"

"Oh – my brother. I didn't really give him a chance to introduce himself on the bus this morning."

"Oh."

"Well we have homeroom together and we should get there so we get lockers together."

We quickly exited the office and I followed her to class. She sure was tiny thing. She had to be under five feet tall – she was dressed to impress though. Her skinny jeans hugged her tiny frame and simple vest with brown long-sleeved shirt and matching brown shoes made her look complete.

We strolled into homeroom and somehow she managed to get us lockers side-by-side, right next to Emmett and Edward apparently. The morning went by quickly. My last class, right before lunch, was my first class without Alice and my first with Edward. I sat next to him – mainly because it was the only seat left in the room that wasn't in the front.

We smiled at each other and that was it. I could tell how shy he was. I caught myself glancing at him the whole period. He was thin and tall and dressed very similar to Alice – nice. When the bell rang he stood but waited for me to gather my things. I followed him silently to the lunchroom. We sat with Emmett, Alice and two more students I didn't know.

"Bella this is my boyfriend Jasper and his older sister Rosalie."

"It's very nice to meet you Bella. Alice tells me you just moved here from Phoenix," Jasper said.

I nodded, "Yeah my dad took the Chief of Police job."

"I know how you feel about being new Bella. Jasper and I moved here two years ago."

"Where did you guys move from Rosalie?"

"You can call me Rose, and Texas."

"Wow so you know how I feel about the sun then?"

Jasper and Rose laughed and nodded. We continued chatting over lunch. I would glance at Edward and catch him looking at me but we still had yet to speak to one another. Jasper, Edward and I had English together after lunch.

Jasper sat next to me, "So Bella, is it just you and your dad?"

I nodded quickly, blinking away the tears. Jasper grabbed my arm and I immediately felt the tears spill over.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to pry."

I wiped my tears, "No it's fine."

He dropped the subject and I was thankful the teacher had started class then. Alice, Rose, and I were changing from gym at the end of the day when Alice spoke.

"Jasper feels really bad about what happened in English, Bella."

I shrugged, "He didn't know it's fine."

We walked to our lockers and Edward's eyes met mine. He smiled and I returned it. Alice pulled on my arm causing me to look away.

"So every year, after the first day of school, my mom takes us all out for ice cream – it's become a tradition. Do you think your dad would mind if you came?"

I just stared at her, "I would have to ask I guess?"

She clapped her hands, "Great! My mom can drive us to the station so you can ask."

Right on cue Jasper showed up and wrapped his arms around Alice. I followed everyone outside and waited for my ride.

"So Bella, how was your first day?"

"It was fine Emmett. All of my classes seem fairly straight forward."

"Good to hear."

I smiled and chuckled to myself. I watched as Emmett rested his head on Rose's shoulder and she smiled. I turned around to find Edward leaning up against the flagpole that was in the middle of the sidewalk about ten feet back. He waved and I waved back.

"There she is!" Alice squealed.

A beautiful black GMC Yukon pulled into the parking lot and we all climbed in.

"Mom – this is Bella. She just moved here from Phoenix with her dad."

A beautiful honey-brown haired woman turned around to face me and Alice, "It is so nice to meet you Bella. I'm Esme Cullen – Emmett, Edward, and Alice's mother."

I shook her hand, "It's nice to meet you as well Mrs. Cullen."

"Oh please – call me Esme dear. Everyone ready for some ice cream?"

"Hey mom, we need to stop by the police station so Bella can ask her dad first."

"Not a problem."

Esme drove off. I climbed out of the SUV and walked into the station, Alice and Esme not far behind me. My dad looked up at me, worry written all over his face.

"Bella is everything all right?"

I nodded, "Dad this is Alice Cullen and her mom, Esme. I met Alice and her two older brothers on the bus this morning."

Esme spoke then, "You see I always take my daughter and sons and their friends out for ice cream after the first day of school. We were wondering, if it's all right with you, if Bella could join us?"

My dad looked at me and I smiled at him, "I'll be here for awhile Bells. Just as long as you are home before eight it's fine with me."

I went behind his desk and threw my arms around him, "Thanks dad."

He hugged me back, "Have fun with your new friends."

I kissed his cheek and skipped back out to the SUV with Alice beside me. We climbed in and took off for our ice cream. It wasn't far and I got my favorite – chocolate chip cookie dough. I started to devour it as soon as they handed it to me. Alice just laughed.

"You act like you haven't eaten all day!"

"I just really like chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream Alice – it's my favorite."

She laughed again and pointed to Edward who was inhaling his just as I had mine, "It's his favorite too."

I nodded taking another bite.

"He likes you, you know."

My jaw dropped, "He hasn't spoken one word to me all day."

"Exactly! He normally is so verbose and outgoing. You are intimidating him Bella."

"How?"

"Look at yourself. You ooze self-confidence."

"I do?"

"Yes. He's not used to it. Go and talk to him."

She pushed me towards him but I chickened out and escaped out the side door of the ice cream parlor. I walked around until I found a tree and sat under it. I finished my ice cream and lay back – staring up at the branches. Soon I felt the presence of someone. He sat down next to me and took a deep breath.

"Hello Bella."

"Hello Edward."

"I'm sorry for not talking to you all day. I didn't want to say something that would embarrass myself or make you feel uncomfortable."

"Oh well thank you for that. I was beginning to wonder if you spoke at all."

He smiled and looked away, "You make me nervous."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know you – and well – I want to."

"Ask away then."

"Why did you really move to Forks?"

I stared at him for a minute, "How did you…"

"Did you know your voice drops a little when you lie? Well and I think Jasper's question helped."

"Um…" I could feel the tears building at the thought of her. "My mom died of breast cancer at the beginning of the summer."

The tears spilled over and I let them flow freely.

"Was it sudden?"

I shook my head, "No. She had been fighting it since before I was born. It just kept coming back."

"My dad knew this when he married her right out of high school – he didn't care because he loved her." I took a deep breath, "She was in remission when they found out she was pregnant with me. When I was six it came back. She fought hard and went into remission again. It came back a year ago – but it was just too much this time."

I sat up and wiped my tears. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry on his shoulder.

"I just miss her so much," I sobbed.

"Sshhh Bella, it's okay. I will help you through this okay?"

I pulled back, "Why? You don't even know me."

He looked directly into my eyes and cupped my face into his hands. His thumbs wiped away my tears, "But I want to get to know you Bella."

I let my head fall into his chest, "Okay."

We eventually made our way back to the SUV and he let me rest against him on the drive to my house. As we pulled up to my house Edward leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Have a good night. I will see you tomorrow."

I nodded and climbed out of the back seat. I said my goodbyes to everyone and thanked Esme. My dad was waiting for me on the front porch.

"You have a good time?"

"The best dad. I think moving here was a really great idea."

We ate supper and I did the little homework I had. On my way back to bed that night I stopped and thought of the day's events. I had made five new friends all on my first day and I couldn't even call her to tell her about it. I was excited for school but nervous as well. Had Edward told everyone my secret?


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – BPOV**** (Present Day)**

When we woke up the next morning, Edward's arms were wrapped tightly around me. His alarm buzzed and he rolled over to shut it off. He rolled back over to face me and sighed, "Last night was real then?"

I nodded and sat up, "You need to tell your dad."

His face fell, "I know. He is going to be so disappointed in me."

"We are all Edward. I can't believe you were so stupid."

He sat and placed his head in his hands, "I'm so sorry Bella. All of this is my fault. I just can't take it anymore – I don't want to lose her."

"You think I do? I've already lost one mother. I will not lose another."

He glanced at me, "Can you ever forgive me Bella?"

I sighed, "I don't know Edward."

He nodded and quickly wiped away a few tears. I got up and glanced back to him.

"I'm going to go make some breakfast. I will probably have to explain why I was in here last night. I think you need to go to the hospital with mom and me today."

"Okay. I'll be down in the minute."

I left and prayed to myself that I could trust him alone. As soon as I entered the kitchen Alice and Emmett stopped eating and looked up at me. I sat down with them – I had some explaining to do.

"Before you even start – nothing happened."

Emmett just glared at me.

"Then why are you his clothes Bella?" Alice asked.

"Last night I overheard your conversation and I flipped out. I approached him about it. He showed me everything. I cleaned all his cuts but some are just too deep. I am taking him with me to the hospital today."

"Do mom or dad know?"

"Not yet Em. He is going to tell them though. Carlisle will find out today – I think we need to wait with mom, but that is up to him."

They both nodded in agreement, tears in their eyes.

"Don't worry guys, I'm going to keep an eye on him. In all honesty I just think he needed to be caught."

"What about school?"

"What do you mean Alice?"

"Bella you should have seen they way the girls threw themselves at him. It was beyond ridiculous."

I could feel my hands ball into fists, "I will talk to Carlisle. See what can be done. I honestly think he needs to stay home."

They both nodded again. We all stood and wrapped each other into hugs.

"Thank you Bella. Thank you for saving him," Em cried.

"Does this mean you two are back together?"

I shook my head, "No Al."

The left for school just as Edward walked into the kitchen. He sat down as I made us some breakfast. Esme came into the kitchen just as we finished eating.

"Would you like anything?"

"No thank you Bella." She looked at Edward, "No school today?"

He smiled, "I thought I would go to the hospital with you instead, if that's all right?"

She pulled him into an embrace, "That would be just fine."

We all made our way to the hospital; Edward was nervous the whole drive. I walked Esme to her appointment then went back for Edward.

"You ready for this?"

He barely nodded as I took his hand and approached the nurse's station.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen's office please?"

She smiled up at me, "Right down the hallway and to the left. It is the fourth door on the right."

I pulled Edward along as we made our way towards Carlisle's office. I knocked and poked my head in, "Carlisle if you're not busy there is something we need to talk about?"

"Come on in Bella."

I pulled Edward into the office and shut the door. Carlisle didn't seem at all surprised to see Edward with me. We took the two open chairs across from his desk.

"Edward I think you need to tell him."

Edward glanced up at his dad then down. I reached over and squeezed his hand.

"I can't Bella…" He began to breathe heavily.

I nodded, "It's okay. I'll tell him. Carlisle… Edward has been cutting himself. Emmett walked in on him and then I overheard him telling Alice about it. I immediately confronted him about it."

Edward continued to look down as I spoke.

"I cleaned very cut last night but I think you need to take a look at some of them."

Carlisle didn't speak as I had Edward stand and pull off his shirt. I unwrapped every cut I had nursed. Carlisle stood and started looking at the cuts. He never said a word. He eventually had us go to an exam room where Edward was put into a gown. He had tears streaming down his face when Carlisle re-entered the room.

"Bella, may I see you for a moment?"

I followed Carlisle back into the hallway where he proceeded to break down. I pulled him back to his office and threw my arms around him.

"Why would he do this to himself Bella? I mean I knew he was unhappy…"

"This isn't your fault Carlisle. There was just too much going on. He didn't know how to deal – how to take the pain away that he felt."

"What do I say to him?"

"He's worried that he's let you down – that you're disappointed in him so I think there is a good start."

I gripped his hands tightly and led him back into Edward's exam room. Edward was sitting there with his head in his hands. Carlisle crossed the room and pulled him into an embrace.

"I love you Edward. Nothing you have done will ever change the way I love and care about you." He cupped Edward's face into his hands, "I'm so proud of you for having the strength to tell me about this."

"Dad, I'm so sorry…"

"Sshhh Edward. We are going to get you through this. But I need to examine you first okay?"

Edward only nodded as he pulled off his gown. Carlisle kept his face controlled as he began the examination.

"Do you remember the first time son?"

"It was… after the first… day of school," he stammered.

"Carlisle I wanted to talk to you about that."

"Yes Bella?"

"Well I was wondering if you could pull some strings so Edward didn't have to go back to his new school?"

Edward's eyes glanced at me.

"Do you want to go back?"

He just shook his head at Carlisle's question.

"Okay, I'll see what I can do."

Carlisle continued on with the exam. I kept my eyes glued to Edward's.

"I'm afraid some of these are going to need some stitches son."

The tears rolled down his cheeks as he nodded. Carlisle left to get the things he needed. I went and stood next to Edward.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I should have told you."

I felt my heart drop, "You did what you thought was best."

"No I didn't. I was selfish and I broke your heart because I couldn't come to tell you about it all."

"You did break my heart…"

Carlisle came back in with a tray and sat down next to Edward. He stuck various cuts with a needle and my head started to spin.

"I'm sorry I can't. I think I'm going to be sick," I mumbled as I bolted to the nearest bathroom. After I finished emptying the contents of my stomach, I splashed water on my face. I made my way back to Carlisle's office and lied down on his couch. The next thing I was aware of was my name being called. I opened my eyes to see Esme smiling at me. I sat up and looked around.

"Where are Carlisle and Edward, Bella?"

I swallowed, "Not sure. Why don't you sit and relax and I will see if I can find them."

I got up and walked to the exam room. I poked my head in and sighed.

"Mom is in your office Carlisle."

"Thank you Bella. We're just finishing up. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah – it was just the needle. It made me nauseous…" My eyes dropped not wanting to look at Edward's face.

"Okay – all done there Edward. Why don't you get dressed and meet me in my office. I think we need to tell your mother."

Carlisle walked past me; his eyes met mine and I could see all the anguish and pain that was hidden from Edward. I smiled at him but his smile back was guarded, cautious. He left us alone and Edward started getting dressed. His body was wrapped in various places where the stitches were put in.

He looked up and his eyes met mine. I had never seen him look so empty before. I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around his waist. He hesitated at first but eventually hugged me back and cried into my shoulder.

"How do I tell her? It is going to break her heart – she's going to be so disappointed in me."

"I'm going to be there for you – with you."

He pulled back and stared into my eyes. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine briefly before I pulled away.

"I can't Edward."

He wrapped his arms around my waist, "I love you Bella."

I shook my head, "Please don't do this – not now."

He pulled away and held his hand out to me. I took it and we made our way to Carlisle's office. We sat down in the chairs that had been moved so they were facing the couch. Edward sat down directly across from his mom and took her hands into his.

"Mom what I'm about to tell you isn't easy."

"Go ahead sweetie, I'm listening."

He took a deep breath, "I've been cutting myself. Emmett caught me and Bella found out. Since last night I have never felt more helpless."

"Why Edward?" Esme responded through her tears.

"Because I felt guilty. I never told Bella about you – then she showed up. School was unbearable. I just couldn't take it anymore. Cutting was the only thing that took my mind off all the pain."

"I just finished examining him. I also called the school and they have agreed to let you finish three weeks early."

"What about Em and Al?" I asked.

"I think it's important for them to finish out the year. Besides Emmett needs to graduate this year."

I found myself smiling. Leave it to Emmett to have to redo his senior year. I had my diploma already – thanks to my dad's persuasive efforts. How could they honestly deny the valedictorian graduating a month early?

"So I'm graduating?"

Carlisle nodded in response to Edward's question.

"Well I think we need to get home," Esme said standing. "Emmett and Alice will be home soon."

She kissed Carlisle goodbye and wrapped one arm around each of our shoulders. I started supper as soon as we got home. I was making Edward's favorite – pot roast surrounded by potatoes and carrots. I put it in the oven just as Em and Al walked in to the house. They came into the kitchen and sat down at the counter.

"Is everything okay now Bella?"

I smiled at Alice and nodded. I was about to explain when Edward walked into the kitchen and stood next to me.

"I first would like to apologize to both of you. I didn't mean to make you worry. I told both mom and dad today at the hospital. I really need your support right now."

Alice flew around the counter and wrapped her arms tightly around her brother.

"Don't you even do that to me again!"

"I won't Al. I'm so sorry."

"Carlisle also got Edward out of school," I announced. "We all through it best that he remain where he is most comfortable and relaxed."

"No fair!" Emmett complained, "You two were _not_ suppose to graduate before me."

We all laughed.

"Jasper and Rose are due to fly in the weekend of graduation too!" Alice beamed taking her seat next to Emmett again.

"Good, I miss them," I mumbled.

Edward flinched quickly before composing himself. He then left abruptly.

"What was that about?" Emmett asked.

I shrugged, "I'm not 100% sure but I think it had something to so with my comment just now and possibly our kiss this afternoon."

"You kissed?" Alice whispered harshly.

"He kissed me but I pulled away. I'm not ready for that."

"He still loves you," Emmett murmured.

"I know he told me. But he still has yet to tell me why he did what he did. Do you have any idea how hard it was to find out that you all had moved from Jasper?"

"We're so sorry Bella. We just thought you knew. I now understand why Edward forbade us to talk about any of it when you were around," Alice said through tears.

"Why is it so hard for you to just forgive him? He just wanted to protect you!"

I lost it. It was time they knew my real motives for my behavior.

"Because we fucking made love only hours before you all left! He promised me he would never leave me and that he would always love me!"

I took a deep breath and collected myself.

"When I woke up he was gone. When no one answered their phones I called Jasper. He came right over and told me everything. I've never cried so hard since my mom's death. Grief and the feeling of abandonment washed over me like a heavy fog. I didn't eat the whole weekend. Jasper and Rose never left my side. It was right then and there that I knew everything had been a lie."

I started to sob.

"I mean if he loved me so much then why didn't he tell me? He wanted to use me to make himself feel better. I meant nothing to him."

The next sound I heard above my loud sobbing was a blood-curdling scream followed by what I could only describe as numerous doors being slammed shut over and over. Emmett ran from the kitchen but froze immediately right outside the doorway. I slowly made my way around him and froze as well.

There, lying in front of me, was Edward in a pool of his own blood. I followed the trail with my eyes and looked at the patterns that had been made on the carpeted stairs. As my eyes made their way to the top of the stairs I saw Esme crying on her knees holding herself tightly. My body reacted quickly as I shouted for Alice to call 911.

I pushed Emmett towards Edward, "Find the source of bleeding and stop it!" I bolted up the stairs and cradled Esme to my chest, "Sshhh mom. I need you to help Emmett now. Can you do that?"

She barely nodded as I got her to her feet. She made her way down the stairs and I went to the source. In his bathroom I found a note right next to the blood-covered razor blade:

_I'm so sorry Bella. I meant every kiss, every touch, every word. I'll_

_ love you forever. Please take care of her for me. I'll never hurt you_

_ again now. I hope you can find it in your heart to someday forgive me._

The tears streamed down my face, "You selfish bastard. How could you do this? You think you are the only one hurting?"

I heard the sirens and Carlisle's frantic voice screaming for me. I grabbed the razor blade in my fingers and closed my eyes. I replayed every touch, kiss and word in my minds that we shared that night.

"_I'll always love you my Isabella."_

"_Forever Edward… Forever."_

I brought the blade to my left wrist, "If it takes your pain away then it will take mine away as well."

I sliced hard and firm across my wrist as the blood poured from the wound. I then repeated the same motions over and over until the blade was ripped from my hand. I vaguely recalled Carlisle throwing a towel over my forearm but it was too late.

Darkness overtook me.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – BPOV**** (Four Years Earlier)**

"Bella! Let's go! You don't want to miss the bus," my dad yelled.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I got dressed quickly and made my way downstairs.

"I left breakfast in the skillet kiddo. Have a good day," he said as he walked out the front door.

I reheated my eggs and washed them down with some milk. I was just finishing up brushing my teeth when I heard the bus pull up. I grabbed my things and bolted out the front door. This particular morning I sat in the second seat from the back, diagonal from where I sat yesterday. I watched anxiously as the bus pulled up to the end of a long driveway and all three Cullen's got on. You couldn't see their house from the road though.

Alice popped down next to me and Edward sat next to us as Emmett sat behind him, "So I was thinking of a sleepover this weekend?"

I shrugged, "I'll have to ask."

"Okay."

About ten minutes later Rose and Jasper got on.

"I didn't know they rode our bus?"

"Oh yeah. Their mom dropped them off yesterday."

The mention of that word made my eyes tear up. I wiped them quickly but not before Edward saw me. Jasper was getting ready to sit with him when he stood.

"Alice do you want to sit with Jasper this morning?"

Edward slid in next to me as Alice nearly pounced on Jasper in their seat. He waited for everyone to start talking again.

"You okay Bella?"

I nodded and rested my head against the window, "I'm fine."

"You know I didn't tell anyone about what you told me yesterday. I figured you would tell them all in your own way."

I wiped away a few more tears, "Thank you Edward."

"You can trust me Bella," he murmured.

"I know – I'm just not ready yet."

We sat in silence until we got to school, "I'll see you before lunch, okay?"

I nodded and followed him off the bus.

In homeroom Alice started in, "So you and my brother seem to be getting along."

The bell rang and we both stood, "He's nice to talk to. He listens."

She smiled, "Good."

The morning flew by – it was now lunch. Edward walked with me to the cafeteria and sat next to me at the table.

"Do you want to come over after school to do homework?"

I shook my head, "Maybe you can come to my place?"

"Your dad won't mind?"

"No, he's working late again tonight."

"Okay. I can call my mom and ask."

"Call mom and ask what?" Emmett said taking his seat at our table.

"I'm going to do homework at Bella's after school."

Alice sat down next to me and smiled. I smiled back. Rose broke the silence.

"So is your mom still in Phoenix Bella?"

I dropped my eyes, "Yeah."

I could feel the tears building. Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed. He leaned over towards my ear, "It's now or never Bella. I'm right here with you."

I glanced up at him and a few tears rolled down my cheeks.

"What does she do?" Rose asked obviously clueless to my tears.

I finally looked at her, "She was a teacher."

"Bella are you okay?"

I looked at Emmett and shrugged.

"You're obviously making her uncomfortable Rosie."

"No it's okay Emmett." I took a deep breath, "My mother died four months ago from breast cancer."

Everyone's mouths fell open. I buried my face into my hands and I cried quietly. Edward wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me towards him. I leaned into him and continued to cry.

"I'm right here Bella," he whispered into my ear.

After about ten minutes of silence I finally spoke.

"She was a senior in high school when she discovered the first lump. My dad married her anyway. She went into remission. Soon she was pregnant with me. When I was six it came back but she beat it again."

Tears poured down my face again.

"Last year it came back. She only lasted six months. I couldn't do anything but watch her get weaker and weaker. My dad forced me to go to school everyday. All I wanted to do was help – but I couldn't."

Edward pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed my hair.

"Oh Bella," Alice cried.

"I'm so sorry Bella," Rose whispered.

I felt myself get stronger in Edward's arms.

"It's still hard. Little things set me off – remind me of her. I keep forgetting she's gone and I can't just pick up the phone and call her."

"We're all here for you Bella," Jasper murmured taking my hand into his.

I felt more strength.

"We can make sure you are never alone while your dad is at work," Alice suggested.

More strength.

"We can hang out all the time," Rose said.

"And go to all the school functions together," Emmett added.

Even more strength.

I pulled out of Edward's arms and took everyone's hands in the center of the table. I looked at our intertwining fingers as I spoke.

"You guys are the best friends a new girl with a broken past can have."

Edward lifted my chin with his fingers then, "You better believe it," he whispered smiling.

He sat with me on the bus that afternoon. I could feel a tradition in the making. He got off at my house and waved goodbye to Jasper, Rose, and Alice on the bus. Emmett went to football practice today.

"Shall we?" He said taking my hand.

"So that's pretty much the tour of the place," I said sitting down at the kitchen table. He sat next to me and smiled.

"It's so cozy."

I laughed, "I guess so. You want anything?"

He shook his head as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I sat back down and we started our homework. We chatted aimlessly about things. Turns out we had similar tastes in music, among other things. When I started supper he sat there and watched me – amazed.

"You can cook then?"

"Well you learn to when…" I stopped.

He quickly changed the subject, "Would you like to go to the football game with me on Friday?"

I looked at him. Sure he was absolutely gorgeous with his untidy bronze hair and deep green eyes. His lips pulled up into a crooked smile and I caved.

"That'd be great. Alice said something about a sleepover anyway."

His eye flashed at this news, "Oh really?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Great that means you'll be at the house all weekend."

I blushed, "My dad has to say yes first. Speaking of my dad, the cruiser just pulled up."

Edward shifted nervously in his chair and I pulled open the front door.

"Have a good day at school Bells? Wow, sure smells great in here!" My dad hung up his belt and kicked off his boots as he walked into the kitchen. I followed him.

I stood next to him and smiled, "Dad this is Edward Cullen. You met his mom and sister yesterday?"

My dad smiled and shook his hand, "Nice to meet you there Edward."

"You too Chief Swan."

"We were just doing some of our homework."

"Good."

"Well I had better call my mom and have her pick me up."

"Phone's right over there."

I glanced at me dad who has made his way to the living room. We packed up his things and waited on the front porch for his mom.

"I had fun this afternoon Bella. Think we can do it again tomorrow?"

"I don't see why not."

"Good," he said as his mom pulled up. "See you tomorrow Bella."

I waved as they drove away. I went into the kitchen to check on supper. My dad was at the kitchen table.

"He seems very nice."

"He is dad. All of my new friends are."

"Have you told them?"

I nodded, "I did at lunch today. They all made a pact to keep me busy while you're at work."

"That's very generous of them."

"What can I say dad – they're truly great."

He pulled me into a hug, "I'm glad you made some friends Bells."

"Me too dad. Hey Alice asked me if I could spend the weekend at her place – you know – a sleepover?"

"That'd be fun for you."

"I know. I think we're all going to the football game Friday night too."

"Well then have fun."

"Thanks dad."

The next two days followed in the same fashion. Edward and I spent after school together at my house talking and doing homework. I had really gotten to know him… and fall for him too.

"Ready for tonight?" Edward said smiling and sitting down next to me on the bus Friday morning.

I laughed and held up my duffel bag, "Sure am."

He smiled crookedly and my heart began to flutter. He grabbed my hand and leaned back, closing his eyes. I did the same and we both stayed that way until we got to school.

"You two coming? Or are you gonna stay on the bus all day?"

We both opened our eyes to a snickering Emmett hovering over us. We got off the bus and went to our lockers. I shoved in my duffle and turned to Edward.

"See you in class."

"Bye Bella," he waved heading to class.

Alice linked her arm in mine, "Someone has a crush."

I blushed, "I like hanging out with him. He makes me laugh and forget about everything."

"I don't think I've ever seen him this happy before. He has definitely never smiled this much."

I blushed again as we took our seats in homeroom, "Really?"

She only nodded, "I'm so excited for this weekend! And it all starts with the game tonight."

I looked down. Tonight was my date with Edward. We hadn't told anyone yet. The bell rang and we headed off to our next class. The morning went by without incident. I was beginning to worry about lunch though. Edward and I walked in hand-in-hand and we had gotten a couple stares.

"So you to dating?" Emmett blurted.

I blushed and shook my head.

"Mind your own business will ya Em?" Edward said through his teeth.

"What? We're all thinking it, Emmett was just the first to say it," Alice said sitting next to me.

"Well it's none of your business what Bella and I do."

"Edward, they're your family."

He leaned into my shoulder and even this move made my jaw drop. He stayed there until the bell rang. We walked to class, our hands still intertwined. Jasper wasn't far behind. He sat behind me, while Edward sat in front.

"Everything okay Bella?" He whispered.

I shrugged, "Not sure. He's acting kind of strange."

"He really likes you Bella."

I blushed, "I like him too."

During gym Alice pulled me aside, "Everything okay?"

"Think so. I'll find out tonight."

"Why tonight?"

"Well we kind of have a date tonight."

"Oh my gosh Bella! No wonder he was acting so weird. He's going to ask you out – he's nervous."

"How can you tell?"

"He's my twin Bella, it's my job to know."

Gym ended and we got dressed. Edward met me at my locker, "Hey."

"Hey – you okay?"

"Fine now. Sorry about lunch."

"It's okay. Want to take a walk or something when we get to your house?"

He grabbed my hand, "Sounds great."

I sat with Alice on the bus ride home, "You excited for tonight?"

I nodded, "We're taking a walk when we get to your house."

"Oh! He's going to take you to his special place!"

"Special place?"

"You'll see."

I got the full tour when I arrived, before Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me through the back door.

"Finally," he breathed.

We took a small path that led into the woods. After a few minutes he led me into a small clearing surrounded by pine trees.

"Wow!" I said looking around. There were a few lawn chairs and a bag full of pillows and blankets.

"I come here a lot."

"I can see why."

He pulled out a blanket and sat down, "Bella I've been wanting to talk to you about something."

I sat down across from him, "Okay. I'm listening."

He took a deep breath, "Bella I really like you. I know we've only known each other for a week, but I feel this pull towards you that I can't ignore." He grabbed my hand, "Bella… I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend?"

I was speechless. I just sat there – his hand in mine and smiled at him. I slowly nodded my head.

"Really?"

"I like you too Edward."

He smiled back at me and slowly leaned forward until our lips met. It wasn't the best first kiss but it still made my heart skip a beat.

"Well I guess we should get back."

I blushed and nodded. We took each other's hand and headed back to the house. We all went to the game, where Emmett got some time in. We won by a touchdown and Edward and I embraced at the end of the game. It was awkward but only because his family made some comments. On the way home I leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around me. Butterflies filled my stomach.

Alice all but pulled my arm out of its socket trying to get me upstairs after the game, "Come on!"

I gripped Edward's hand, "Just give me a minute Alice."

"Fine but if you're not upstairs in five minutes I am coming to get you."

She stomped off and I turned to face Edward, "I'll see you in the morning then?"

I wrapped my arms around his waist and he kissed my forehead, "Sleep tight my Bella."

I blushed and lifted my eyes to meet his. Our lips met briefly but it was enough to send shivers down my spine. I pulled away, "Good night."

"Good night."

I got into Alice's room and she wasted no time before she attacked, "Tell me everything!"


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – BPOV**** (Present Day)**

One month – that was how long I was in my coma. When I woke my dad was at my side.

"Bella? Oh honey, thank goodness you're awake. I've been so worried."

I opened my mouth to speak but he stopped me.

"No honey – let me get everyone first."

He bolted from the room, "Carlisle, she's awake."

Seconds later my room was filled with Carlisle, my dad, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. I glanced over at their tired, anguished faces – everyone of them was worried and upset.

"Bella – thank goodness." Carlisle exclaimed. "You are on your side Bella because you hit your head really hard, you've been out for a month."

"Ca… Ca…"

"No Bella, don't try to speak just yet. Can you wiggle your toes for me?"

I wiggled them without difficulty.

"Good Bella. I'm going to run a few tests to see if we can take this neck brace off, okay?"

I reached up to feel the bulky obstruction around my neck and gasped as I noticed the bandages on my left forearm.

"Wha… hap…" I stared at my left forearm, looking intently at all the gauze wrapped around it.

"You don't remember?"

"No," I mouthed.

"Here's lets finish your examination to see if I'm allowed to take this off," he said pointing at the brace.

The next few minutes he poked and prodded my arms and legs and neck. Soon my brace was taken off.

"Bella do you think you can roll onto your back?"

I rolled over and cringed in pain – every muscle in my back was screaming at me. Carlisle noticed my discomfort and immediately injected pain medication into my IV.

"There you go Bella. Just relax now."

I nodded, "Dad?"

"Would you like to talk to him?"

I nodded again.

"Okay I'll go get him."

My dad walked in then, "Hey Bells."

"Dad… I… sor…"

"Sshhh Bella. I know."

I pointed to the water that was out of my reach and he handed it to me. I took a large gulp and immediately swallowed. I took a minute and let everything sink in.

"You don't remember anything do you?"

I shrugged a little, "Maybe a little," I whispered.

He sat down next to my bed and took my hands into his.

"I tried to kill myself… because of him didn't I?"

My dad could only nod as the tears filled his eyes.

"How is Esme?"

"She's okay. You really put her through hell and back."

"I'm so sorry dad. I wish I could remember."

"Maybe it's better if you didn't."

I nodded, "I guess."

Alice came in then, relieving my dad from his spot.

"Get some sleep, please dad?"

He smiled and kissed my forehead before leaving. Alice hopped on the end of the bed and grabbed the controller that raised my bed into a sitting position. The bed slowly inclined until I was sitting up.

"Thanks Alice."

She smiled, "No problem."

"I'm so sorry."

"You really scared us Bella. I mean after everything you've been through."

"Alice, I noticed Edward wasn't with you all earlier…" Her face made me stop. I followed her eyes to the right of me. There was a curtain but I still felt my stomach drop.

"Alice…"

She slid off the bed and slowly pulled the curtain back. I felt the tears as my heart was ripped from my chest.

"He's stable but he won't wake up."

The memories flooded back. The cuts, Carlisle stitching him up, the talk with Em and Al and then the noise followed with his note.

"The note, he left a note… I'm no better than he is."

Alice took a seat at the end of my bed again, "When he came in they lost him twice before they got him to surgery. He broke so many bones that they put him in a drug-induced coma."

"He heard me, didn't he?"

"We don't know."

"He tried to kill himself because of me. How can you even look at me right now?"

"Bella – stop! You're like my sister. You graduated early so you could some out to New York and take care of mom."

I looked over at him. He was covered in casts. Tubes were coming out from all over his body.

"His lung collapsed – hence the tubes. Last week they tried to wake him up but he just hasn't yet."

"This is all my fault."

She grabbed my hand, "Bella please. This was his decision."

"I shouldn't have left him alone."

"How were you to know he was going to try and kill himself?"

I sighed, "His note Al. It ripped through me and your dad was calling my name. I just did it."

"Dad stopped you but then you passed out and hit your head, fracturing a few vertebrae. You were lucky you were in the coma. Everything seemed to heal why you were out."

"I guess," I said looking at him again.

"He'll wake up now that you have."

"Alice, we need help."

"I'm glad you think that," Carlisle said walking into the room. He went over to check all of Edward's vitals before he came to me.

Alice slipped off my bed and kissed my cheek, "See ya."

"Bye Al. Carlisle I was wondering if I could talk to someone?"

He sat down next to me, "Why Bella?"

"I don't know. I just saw the note and snapped."

"The look on your face. I had to rip the razor blade from your hand."

"I remember. I'm no better than him."

"I agree that you need to talk to someone Bella. But for now you need to rest."

"Is he going to wake up soon?"

"I'm not sure. His vitals all look good, but he's just not waking up."

He got up to leave and within minutes Emmett poked his head in.

"How we doin there Bella?"

"I've been better Em."

He glanced at Edward then back to me, "You saved him you know."

"I'm the one that put him in here."

"That's where you're wrong." He came into the room and Carlisle left. He took his chair next to me. "You told me to find the source and stop it. I did what you told me too."

I sat there for a moment then shook my head, "No, he did this because of what I said."

"Bella – we don't know that!" He took my hands into his.

I sighed, "I'm so sorry."

"Dad said you're going to talk to someone?"

"Yeah. I need to find myself. I love you all so much. I can't help mom or Edward until I can help myself."

He nodded, "I love you too Bella. Sleep well."

I leaned back just as he left. I started to open my mouth to talk to Edward but Jazz and Rose walked in.

"Hey guys."

"Bella…" Jasper started.

"I know I'm sorry."

"Do you have any idea what you've put us through?" Rose snapped.

"A lot…" I mumbled.

"I overheard Carlisle saying that you've asked for help?"

"Yeah Jazz. I need someone to talk to about all this."

"You have us," Rose interjected.

"I know I do but I'm not just talking about this," I said showing my left forearm. "I mean about everything – my mom, Esme, Edward – all of it."

"I'm glad you are doing this."

"Thanks Jasper. I love you both."

"We love you too. Night." Rose said as she left. Jasper tried to close the curtain between Edward and me but I stopped him.

"Please don't. I need to talk to him."

He simply nodded then left. I curled onto my right side and stared at him for a while.

"I know you can hear me. I just wanted to let you know how much I love you."

I wiped a few tears.

"You may think otherwise but that is why I am in this hospital bed right next to you. That's why I spent the last month in a coma. You already tried to leave me once…"

I stopped as those memories overtook me.

"We both know how that turned out."

My voice was barely a whisper now.

"I've never known myself outside of you Edward. I was defined as the girl with the cancer mom and moved straight into your girlfriend. I don't know who I am."

I felt my eyes drift close.

"I'm going to find me Edward. That way I can take care of you and mom."

That was the last thing I said as I drifted into a dreamless slumber. I was awoken the next morning by Carlisle.

"I took the liberty of booking you an appointment with Dr. Anderson. She specializes in counseling – specifically with suicide cases."

I flinched at the word suicide. I hadn't really thought of myself in that way but that's exactly what I was… a suicide case.

"Thanks Carlisle. Can I get Emmett to wheel me up there?"

"Sure thing."

A few minutes later Emmett scooped me off the bed and put me in the wheelchair. He wheeled me up to the third floor and into a small waiting room. He then proceeded to sack out on the couch.

"Dr. Anderson?"

"Please come in Bella," she said as she appeared in the doorway.

She sat directly across from another chair. I wheeled over and positioned myself so that I was sitting directly across from her.

"So Bella, Dr. Cullen said you wanted someone to talk to?"

I nodded, "I need help figuring out who I am."

"Well why don't we just start from the beginning?"

"Dr. Cullen didn't tell you anything?"

She nodded, "He told me why you're in the hospital."

I held up my left forearm, "I really did a number on myself. His note just sent me over the edge. I mean how dare he think that he can just leave me? I can't live in a world where he doesn't exist. I can't believe he thought otherwise."

"Start with how you met him."

"It goes back further than that."

"Tell me your story Bella."

I took a deep breath, "How long do you have?"

She smiled, "All day if need be."

I sighed. I began with my mom – everything about her and how we ended up in Forks in the first place. Then I moved into how I met and fell in love with Edward.

"He was everything to me. He made me smile and feel good about myself. Then he left. No wait – we made love and I woke up alone. Nice farewell gesture, don't you think?"

"He didn't tell you about his mom and that they were moving?"

"Nope I found out from my two best friends. I think I cried for a week then I made the decision."

"To move to New York and help Esme with her breast cancer treatments?"

"Yeah. She's always been my second mom. I was twelve when my mom lost her battle. I couldn't do anything. I was eighteen this time and I was damn sure going to help."

"What happened when you got out here?"

I told her about my first week – the awkwardness – the silence.

"Then I found out he was cutting."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Helpless, guilty – like it was my fault."

I continued on about that night I helped him and how we told his parents.

"Then I open my big mouth to Em and Al about how I don't love him and the next thing I know he's at the bottom of the stairs."

"How did you feel when you saw him there?"

"Like my heart had been ripped out."

"But you were the one who sprung into action first?"

"Yeah. I ordered Emmett and Alice around and went to Esme. I don't know why I went into the bathroom. I guess to put the pieces of the puzzle together."

"And you found the note?"

"Sure did."

"Do you remember what you did next?"

I nodded, "I slit my left wrist over and forearm over and over. Carlisle had to rip the razor blade from my fingers – even the motions continued, until I passed out."

"But yet here you are."

"Here I am. I've never been defined as just Bella. It's always been Bella – the girl with the cancer mom, or Edward's Bella, or the Chief of Police daughter Bella. I don't know who I am Dr. Anderson."

She blew out a breath, "Do you know how much progress you have made in just the two hours we've been sitting here? I have some patients that take months to get where you are."

"Really?"

"You know what you want Bella. I'll be with you every step of the way to make sure you get it."

"Thanks Dr. Anderson."

"You're homework is to think about what you want to do with your life. It doesn't have to be set in stone – just gather some ideas."

"Okay – see you tomorrow?"

"Good first session Bella."

I wheeled out into the waiting room and glared at a snoring Emmett. I slapped his arm causing him to awake suddenly.

"Everything okay Bella?"

"Have a nice nap there Em?"

"I did, thanks."

That afternoon was the first time I had seen Esme since first waking up.

"Can I talk to you Bella?"

"Mom… of course you can."

"Bella I wanted to apologize"

"You have nothing to apologize for. If anyone needs to it's me."

"Bella I knew Edward didn't tell you about me. I tried to talk him out of it but he really wanted to do it his way."

"You knew… why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I promised him I wouldn't."

"Oh."

"Bella – I'm so sorry. I should have told you."

I shrugged, "What's done is done. Mom I'm so sorry for what I did. I failed you."

She took my hands, "No you didn't. You left everything to come out here and help me."

"I spoke with Dr. Anderson today."

"Good, what'd she say?"

"That I've made excellent progress. My homework is to think about what I want to do with my life."

"Any luck with that?"

"I've been thinking about nursing."

"Really?"

"Yeah – I really want to help people."

"You definitely have the heart."

"Thank you."

My next few sessions with Dr. Anderson went really well. I started physical therapy as well. I was released from the hospital but refused to leave. They eventually put Edward in his own room where I set up camp. My dad went back to Forks and I called him every few days. The summer quickly passed and Em and Rose bought an apartment close to the hospital. Alice and Jasper were still at the house – all of my things had been moved into Edward's room.

The four of them started taking a few college classes at the local college. They tried to get me to join them but I couldn't leave him. Before I knew it – it was my birthday.

"Happy Birthday Bells!"

"Dad! What are you doing here?"

"I came to see my nineteen-year-old daughter." He glanced at Edward, "No change?"

"No. I talk to him all the time though."

"I know you do Bells. He'll wake up when he's ready."

I know. I just made my wish hoping it is today."

"You really love him don't you?"

I nodded, "I've been talking with Dr. Anderson. I know who I am and what I should do with my life now."

He wrapped his arms around me, "I'm so proud of you."

"I've always been defined as something other than just Bella and you know what?"

"What's that kiddo?"

"It was supposed to be that way. It's made me who I am. I'm meant to be his – always. I'm not leaving his side until he wakes up. I want his eyes to see me first thing. And I'm going to be there for him – every step of his recovery."

"Well let's get you to the waiting room. Everyone is out there."

I sighed, "Okay." I hesitated heavily before leaving as I followed my dad out to the waiting room.

"Happy Birthday Bella!" Everyone yelled.

There was a small pile of gifts next to a cake in the corner.

"Thank you all so much," I gasped.

I was wrapped into hugs. Alice pulled my arm, "Open mine first."

I sat down in the middle of the room and opened all of my presents. They ranged from clothes to jewelry to books. We ate cake and just sat there and relaxed – it was great.

"Hey Bells, I wanted to wait to give you this until now."

"Um, wow. Thanks dad."

I looked at the small box he handed me and carefully tore the wrapping off. The small wooden box looked familiar to me. I opened the box and gasped.

"You're mother gave it to me before she passed. She wanted me to give it to you when the time was right."

I stared at my mother's wedding ring. It had been my dad's grandmothers' ring. My dad kneeled in front of me and took the ring from its box.

"I think that it belongs on your right hand rather than in this box," he said as he put it on my finger.

"Thank you dad," I said throwing my arms around him.

"This way she's always with you."

I stared at the ring as I made my way back to Edward' room. I sat in my usual spot and grabbed his right hand.

"Hey – it's my birthday. It feels weird without you. My dad gave me my mom's wedding ring. I can't seem to stop looking at it. I blew out my candles and wished for one thing. I think you know what it was. I need you Edward."

Alice and Rose spent the rest of the night with me. I woke up the next morning feeling more heartbroken than ever. When was he going to wake up? Two months later we celebrated Thanksgiving in the same waiting room. My dad flew out again. There had been no change either.

"Bella?"

"Yeah… sorry."

"No it's okay. It's just I have something I wanted to share with everyone."

We all turned to Esme; she had a smile on her face – so did Carlisle.

"We got my test results back this morning and well… I'm in remission."

I dropped my fork, tears streamed down my face… remission?

"Really mom?" Alice asked. I'm sure my face looked similar to hers.

"We thought maybe we could be home by Christmas."

My face fell, "What about Edward?" It was barely more than a whisper, but everyone heard me.

"We would have him moved to Forks Bella," Carlisle answered.

"We thought this way you four can finish out the semester."

"Mom, I just can't believe it," Emmett said. "This is so surreal."

I rested my head in my hands. My dad placed his hand on my back, "You okay?"

"I'm not sure." I looked up at everyone, "I'm really sorry – may I be excused?"

I stood and practically ran back to Edward. I was so thankful all the tubes and casts had been long removed as I climbed into bed with him. I curled into his chest and began to cry quietly. I eventually fell asleep. I woke up the next morning, Carlisle hovering over me. I sat up and looked down at Edward.

"It's been nearly six months Bella."

Tears escaped my eyes, "He'll wake up. I know he will."

"I want to believe it but medically speaking his chances decrease every day."

I shook my head, "No! He'll wake up – he has too."

He placed a hand on my shoulder, "Bella he's my son. I love him just as much as you do."

"That's where you're wrong. I love him more than my own life."

"Bella, please…"

I shook off his hand, "No if you loved him, you'd still be fighting for him. Like me."

He walked out. I continued staring at him. I ran my fingers along his cheekbones and jawline.

"I love you Edward." I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, "I love you."

I slid off the bed and went to the couch. I stayed there for the next few days. I read and wrote some things in my journal but mainly I wished for him to wake up. Alice and Jasper stopped by and even stayed the night. Em and Rose came by everyday as well. It was the Sunday afternoon after Thanksgiving when I was taking a nap that I felt him first move.

I thought it was just my imagination but when I woke up from my nap – sleeping curled into his chest of course – his eyes stared back into mine.

My lips crashed to his, "Edward! Thank goodness. I love you so much. I thought I knew what I wanted and now I know. It's you Edward. It's always been you."

Tears streamed down my face. He smiled at me and opened his mouth to speak.

"No Edward, don't speak. I need to find Carlisle."

I started to slide off the bed but his hand gripped mine. He shook his head.

"I love you Bella," he mouthed.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – BPOV**** (Four Years Earlier)**

"Alice, really?"

She started laughing and rolled her eyes, "He's my twin – what do you expect?"

We ended up talking for the next several hours.

"So you really like him then?"

I nodded, "It's all so new though."

"I know Bella, but they don't come better than my brother."

"Thanks Alice."

I eventually fell asleep but was immediately aware of the nightmare I was in.

"No mom – don't… I can't."

I stared at her as she fought her last breath, "Be strong for me Bella."

I fought against my sobs – I could hear her calling my name.

"Bella."

"No mom – please."

"Bella."

"Don't leave me!"

"Bella!"

Mom – I can't…"

"Bella, wake up. Please wake up."

My eyes snapped open to Edward hovering over me. I rolled over to face Alice.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, "My mom. I was remembering her last moments."

I felt Edward lie down next to me in Alice's bed.

"You wouldn't wake up… I didn't know what to do."

Edward's arms wrapped around me at Alice's confession.

"I appreciate it – both of you."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

I rolled over to face Edward – his presence was immediately calming.

"I am now," I murmured as I cuddled into his chest. I fell asleep that way.

**(Three Years Later)**

"Bella – we're going to be late for school!"

I opened my eyes and looked up at Edward.

"You okay Love?"

"Fine. I guess we should get up huh?"

"You going home tonight?"

"My dad is expecting me."

We got up and got ready. Three years had gone by and we were so in love. Edward helped my transition into my new life in Forks. Esme was like a second mother to me.

"Bella? Mom wants to know if you and Charlie are coming by for supper tonight?"

I popped my head out of the bedroom, "I don't think so Al. My dad and I need a night to reconnect."

"Okay I'll tell her."

Edward came up behind me, "I'll miss you."

I giggled, "We can't spend every night together."

He pouted, "Why not?"

"My dad needs to spend time with me too…"

He pouted some more and walked out. I finished getting ready for school and met Esme in the kitchen.

"Morning Bella."

"Good morning."

"I made waffles."

"You didn't have to do that."

She started to respond but she slammed her leg into the cabinets, "Ouch."

"You okay mom?"

"Fine Bella."

She shook it off and left the kitchen. I ate some waffles as Edward and Alice and Emmett joined me at the table.

"You ready for homecoming Emmett?"

"Shut up Bella."

"What?"

"You three aren't going to let me live this down are you?"

"Well it's not every year your big brother has to repeat his senior year."

"Shut up Edward."

We all started laughing as Emmett stormed off.

"I kind of like that he's graduating with us," Alice piped in.

"I know… It's kind of cool"

Edward rolled his eyes, "Let's get to school."

Now that we were seniors we managed to switch around our schedules so that all six of us were in the same classes.

"Morning Bella."

"Hey Rose, Jazz."

"How are you today?"

"I'm great Jasper, excited to see my dad."

"I bet he misses us too."

"I think he's enjoyed his vacation though."

"Yeah – fishing for a week sounds fun to me."

I slapped him.

"What? It's true!"

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Edward. I stared at him and watched him open his locker and get his books. He caught me staring and winked. I turned my head away – blushing. The school day was pretty uneventful. Another essay assigned in English, another lab completed in Chemistry. Edward dropped me off at home and I promised him I would call before going to bed.

"I love you Isabella."

I pressed my lips to his, "I love you too."

I got started on dinner as soon as I was in the house. I had that ready to go and my homework done when the cruiser pulled up.

"Bells?"

"In the kitchen dad."

He came around the corner and dropped his bags, "Hey there kiddo, how've you been?"

He one-arm hugged me, "I'm good. How was your trip?"

"Very relaxing."

"Good. I made your favorite."

"It's good to be home."

We spent the night catching up. I finally called Edward around midnight.

"Hey Love, how's your dad?"

"Good – glad to be home."

"I bet. I miss you next to me."

"Me too, but I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll pick you up before school okay?"

"I love you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight my Bella."

The next morning Edward was unusually quiet. We went through three class period before he even responded to me.

"You okay?"

"Fine Love."

Wow – such a response. I grabbed Alice at lunch.

"What is with Edward?"

She giggled, "He kind of caught Jasper and I going at it last night."

"Oh, but then why is he not talking to me?"

"Bella you guys have been dating for three years and you have never gone past kissing."

"Because I'm not ready."

"I know but he is and seeing me and Jasper just increased his wanting that with you."

"Oh. You think he will try something with me then?"

She shrugged, "You're birthday is Friday."

The rest of the day I was just as quiet as Edward. We didn't even say goodbye when he dropped me off after school. When my dad got home he barely noticed my quiet mood. We ate in silence too. The next two days continued much the same way. On Friday morning my dad woke me up early.

"Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks dad."

"Get downstairs – I've got you birthday breakfast ready."

I got dressed and bounced down the steps. There sat enough food for a small army. After stuffing my face there was a knock on the front door. My dad let Edward in and he sat next to me, smiling brightly.

"Happy Birthday Love."

"Thank you."

He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine, "Don't wanna be late."

I groaned, "I guess."

We headed to his car and we drove to school in silence. I finally broke it, "Are you back to that?"

"Sorry – I just have a lot on my mind."

"And you can't share it with me?"

"Sorry Bella."

I took his hand into mine, "Can we talk after school?"

"Sure thing."

Alice nearly tackled me in a hug, "Happy Birthday Bella."

"Thanks."

She handed me a small box. I quickly opened it and smiled. I pulled out a beautiful bracelet.

"Oh wow. Thank you so much Alice."

"I'm glad you like it."

"It's beautiful. I love it!" I wrapped my arms around her just as the bell rang. We all headed to homeroom together. The morning went much the same as it had all week. It was only until Jasper pulled on my arm that I realized he had been trying to get my attention.

"You okay there?"

I smiled at him, "Sorry. What is it?"

He pulled on my arm and led me to another table. I glanced at Edward. He hadn't even noticed I had left the table.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I shrugged, "Nothing I guess."

"Oh come on Bella. You've been like this all week."

I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks, "He's going to break up with me, isn't he? That's why he's been avoiding me all week?"

Jasper stared at me, "What are you talking about?"

I stood up, "I can't do this Jasper." And I ran. I ran from the school in to the woods. I found my favorite tree – our initials were still carved into it. I rested against its base and cried.

"Happy freaking 18th birthday to me."

When the bell rang I went back into the school. I was last to my next class but I didn't care. I slid into a seat in the very front – as far away from him as I could be. I avoided him the rest of the day and caught a ride home on the bus. I was in the middle of making supper when my phone rang. I checked the called ID and let it go to voicemail. About an hour later my dad came home.

"Have a good day at school Bells?"

I nodded, "Sure." He let it drop and we ate supper in silence again. I washed all the dishes and headed to my room. My dad stopped me.

"Headed to bed already?"

"Yeah. I'm going to get started on my homework."

"You aren't celebrating with anyone?"

I shrugged, "I guess they have other plans."

I got into my pajamas when I got into my room. I was just finishing the outline for my next English essay when there was a knock on the front door. I listened as my dad opened it.

"Yeah, she's in her room. Go on up."

I cringed, "Please be Alice."

My bedroom door opened and he sat on my bed, "We need to talk Bella."

"If you're here to break up with me Edward, save it."

His eyes widened, "Break up with you? Bella I love you."

"Then why the silent treatment all week?"

"I had a lot on my mind."

"So you said."

"Look Bella – I'm sure you're well aware that I walked in on Alice and Jasper Monday night."

I cut him off, "That's what's been on your mind all week?"

"Yes and no. I mean at first I was pissed and I didn't want to snap at you or anyone else. Then I was mad. How could they be so irresponsible? And that shifted into jealousy."

"You were jealous? Why?"

"I mean to share that kind of love – it takes two really committed people."

"It had you second-guessing our relationship didn't it?"

"Not really. It just made me realize how much I want that with you."

I sat next to him on the bed, "Me too. I'm just not ready."

He leaned in and kissed me, "I'm sorry for ruining your birthday but to make up for it I have our day all planned for tomorrow."

I kissed him again, "Okay."

"It's still early. We can watch a movie or something?"

"Can we just hang out?"

"It's your birthday – so of course."

The next few hours we listened to music and talked. It was the best ending to my birthday. My dad kicked Edward out around midnight. He kissed me goodnight and promised he would pick me up around ten. I slept really well that night and was ready to go by a quarter till ten. It was the best day after birthday celebration ever. It started off with walking along the pier in Seattle, followed by the best Italian dinner.

"Thank you for today Edward."

"I love you Isabella – forever."

"I love you too."

"Sleep well."

"I will." We kissed – made out – before I got out of his car. I spent all day Sunday doing homework between Alice and Edward. Jasper was on the other side of Alice and Em and Rose were across from us. All of us were working on the same thing. We were sprawled out in the Cullen's family room.

Thanksgiving and Christmas passed by. Edward had gotten me the necklace that matched Alice's birthday present. I was starting to feel ready too – I loved him so much. I was spending the weekend at the Cullen's again since Charlie was gone again. It was the middle of February – Valentine's Day had been yesterday. Edward and I spent the day in Port Angeles going to a dinner and a movie.

"Good morning Bella."

"Morning Esme."

She reached up to get something from the cupboard but dropped it.

"Oh Esme! Are you okay?"

"Fine Bella. Just slipped out of my hands is all."

I nodded, "Okay."

The next week Edward, Em and Al were all really quiet. Then the next week I heard Jasper and Rose crying together after school in their car. I was finally able to catch up with Alice the first Monday of March.

"Hey Alice, is everything okay?"

"Fine Bella. Why do you ask?'

"Well you all have been really quiet lately."

"Oh it's nothing… I promise."

I hugged her, "Okay if you say so."

The next few days everyone came around. Things were back to normal and Edward and I were stronger than ever. Only three more months and we would all be graduated all off to college together.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – BPOV**** (Present Day)**

I climbed back on his hospital bed and straddled him. I looked directly at him and cupped his face into my hands, "I'm so sorry for everything."

I brought his water to his mouth. He downed the whole glass then smiled up at me.

"How long?" He whispered.

"About six months. Thanksgiving was three days ago."

His eyes flooded with anguish.

"We have so much to talk about but I really need to find Carlisle first."

He nodded and I slid off him. I nearly walked into Carlisle when I opened the door.

"Bella what is it?"

I looked at him, tears rolling down my cheeks, "He's awake."

The next few hours Edward was put through a battery of tests. When he was wheeled back into his room for the final time he motioned for me to join him on his bed. Just as I climbed on the bed, Carlisle came in.

"Well we've done the complete work up. You seem to be fine physically but you are required to have a psychological evaluation before I can even think of releasing you – which is still several days, if not weeks, away."

Edward glanced at me, then down, "Okay dad."

"I'll let you two talk but try and get some rest in there too, okay?"

We both nodded and he left. Edward took my hands into his, "Bella. I'm so sorry."

"There's something you need to know. After we found you I went into your bathroom. I found your note Edward…"

I ran my fingers across my scars. Edward grabbed my left arm and stared at my forearm, "What did you do Love?"

"After I found your note… I snapped. Carlisle had to pry the razorblade from my fingers."

"Why Bella?"

"Because I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

I cuddled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, pressing his lips to my hair.

"Bella I'm so sorry."

"No I am. I'm the one that caused you so much pain that you thought you needed to… kill… yourself."

I felt him stiffen, "If only I would have told you about mom in the first place."

"No Edward – don't okay."

"I'm so terribly sorry Bella. But why are you still here?"

"I too was in a coma Edward."

"What?"

"We both lost a lot of blood. At one point we both flat lined. We were in the same room, but then I woke up. They put you in here after I was discharged and I haven't left your side since."

"You stopped living because of me…"

It wasn't a question – more of a statement, but I still answered him.

"Em, Rose, Jazz and Al all started classes at the local college but I had other things I needed to do first. I've been in therapy since I woke up and it has really made me who I am now."

"You've been in therapy?"

"Edward I tried to kill myself…"

He kissed my hair, "Has it helped?"

"Tremendously. It made me realize how much I need you, how much I love you. It made me realize what I want to do with my life and most importantly – it's helped me to be okay with my past… embrace it even."

"Do you think it can help me?"

"Dr. Anderson is wonderful. She practically already knows you because of me."

"You think I can start tomorrow?"

"I'll give you my time slot."

"Thanks for believing in me Bella. I love you more than my own life."

"Edward there is something else you need to know."

I pulled back and sat up so that I was facing him.

"What?"

"Mom's in remission. We're moving back to Forks, hopefully by Christmas."

"Oh, when did you find all this out?"

"Yesterday."

"This is good though – it's home."

"I know but you need physical therapy and counseling. It is just a lot to do with a move and all."

"Do you want to stay in New York?"

"I'm not sure. I feel like I just need Dr. Anderson, that's all. I don't want anyone else."

"Well let's discuss it with dad tomorrow. For now I need you in my arms so I can get a restful night's sleep."

I lied down next to him and fell asleep in his arms. I was completely exhausted from the day's events and unsure of what our future held. The next morning Esme was sitting in a chair next to his bed.

"Morning mom," I said waking up. I sat up carefully so I wouldn't wake Edward.

"How is he Bella?"

"Overwhelmed I think. So much happened yesterday afternoon and evening."

"Does he know about me and move?"

I nodded my head, "We wanted to talk to you about that."

Edward woke up then. He sat up the best he could and smiled, "Morning mom."

"Hey there sweetie, how do you feel?"

"I've been better."

"Bella said that you both wanted to talk to me about the move?"

He nodded, "Bella told me you're in remission?"

Esme smiled and nodded.

"That is so wonderful."

"But…" Esme interjected.

I spoke, "I don't think I am ready to leave Dr. Anderson yet."

"And I have so much physical therapy. I really need to talk to someone as well and I just can't imagine leaving Bella again."

"Well then we will stay until you both are ready to come home."

"Are you sure mom? I mean Edward and I can just stay so the rest of you can go home?"

"I won't split up my family again."

I rested my head on Edward's shoulder, "I'll go find my dad so you two can talk."

I pressed my lips to his, "I love you Bella."

"I love you too. I won't be far."

He nodded and I got off the bed. I grabbed a clean pair of clothes and got dressed quickly in the bathroom. I left his room and went to find my dad. He was in the cafeteria drinking some coffee with Carlisle.

"Morning dad, Carlisle."

"How is he this morning?"

"Good, Esme is with him right now."

"Okay well then I'm going to get back to them. See you both around."

I took the chair next to my dad, "Can we talk?"

"Sure Bells."

"After talking with Esme and Edward, I have decided that I need to stay here with Edward until he's fully recuperated."

"So you won't be home by Christmas?"

I shook my head, "I've made so much progress with Dr. Anderson. I'm not ready to switch to someone new yet."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, "I understand."

"You do?"

"Of course. You both need to do this. I know how much you love him. You both need to figure this out together."

"I miss you dad. Hopefully with counseling and physical therapy we can be home by summer."

"I would like that."

I nodded, "Me too."

He stood, "Well my flight leaves soon. I'll see you at Christmas, okay?"

I stood and hugged him, "I love you."

"Love you too."

I stayed in the cafeteria and grabbed some breakfast. I was soon joined by Jasper. He sat across from me.

"So we're not going back to Forks?"

I shrugged, "I guess not."

"It's cool Bella – no one's mad or anything. We all completely understand. This is what you and Edward need right now and we're here to support you in any way that we can."

"Thanks."

"Have you thought about going back to school now that he's awake?"

I shook my head, "Not really."

He sighed, "Have you even told him what you want to do yet?"

"No. I was going to wait until out therapy session later."

"Oh okay. Look I really think you need something to take your mind off of things. School is the way to do just that. You wouldn't believe how helpful it has been to all of us."

"I'll think about it, okay?"

He smiled, "That's all I'm asking."

He took my hand and we made our way back to Edward's room. When we go there Emmett and Rose were talking to him.

"Are you sure Edward?"

"Positive," Edward said smiling.

He looked up at me when I walked in with Jasper. I went over to him and kissed his forehead.

"All we need is Alice to make this a real party."

Edward laughed, "Guess so."

"It's a good thing I'm here then," Alice said taking her place next to Jasper. Everyone laughed. We all stayed with Edward until it was time for counseling.

"I hate to break up our fun but Dr. Anderson is expecting us."

Edward nodded, "Emmett can you help me into the wheelchair?"

"Sure thing bro."

Emmett carefully lifted Edward and put him in the wheelchair. I took the handles and pushed him to the elevator. We arrived in Dr. Anderson's office right on time.

"Good afternoon Bella. I see you have someone special with you today."

"Dr. Anderson I would like for you to meet Edward."

"Oh so this is Edward?" Edward blushed as he shook her hand. "It's very nice to finally meet you Edward."

"I would say the same about you but I just woke up and Bella and I haven't had the chance to talk much."

"Well then, let's fix that."

I wheeled into her office. I put him next to the couch and I sat down.

"So Bella, why don't we start with how you feel about all this?"

"I feel hurt. How could you do this to me? That note ripped my heart out."

I looked directly at him, tears rolling down my face. He stared into my eyes, "I'm so sorry Bella. I feel so guilty for everything I put you through."

"Why did you make love to me Edward?"

"Because I loved you. I needed to show you how much I cared about you."

"But you left – without a word as to why."

"I couldn't do it, Love. I wanted either all of you or none. There was not way long distance would work. I let my heart with you that day."

"You took my heart with you that day."

"Bella, when I heard you say those things to Emmett and Alice, I lost it. How could you think for even one moment that what we shared was a lie?"

"I just couldn't understand how we could share something so special only hours before you were leaving. I felt so used."

"Never doubt my feelings for you Bella. I love you so much my heart hurts."

"They why didn't you tell me about mom?"

"Because I just couldn't… with everything that you went through with your mom… I couldn't put you through all that again."

"So you were trying to keep me from feeling what I felt with my mom?"

"Yes. You told me over and over about what you had to go through – I couldn't put you through that again – I wouldn't."

"Em was right – you were trying to protect me. But it hurt when you left without telling me. I barely made it through that weekend."

"I cannot apologize enough. I was so stupid for not telling you. Then you save my life and I try to end it only to fuck that up too."

"Edward please don't talk like that. I need you with me. I can't live without you."

"How can you love me after everything I put you through?"

I look at Dr. Anderson, "Tell him Bella."

"I love you because you complete me. When you were in that coma, Dr. Anderson helped me realize just how much we need one another."

"Edward – it was like you two were connected somehow. On days your health was good and stable, Bella made amazing progress. On days you weren't do so well, I might as well have cancelled our sessions. The day you were taken off the ventilator was the day she figured out how much she really loved you."

I turned to him, "Edward, your note ripped my heart out. I lost all reasoning skills. I didn't know if you were going to live, so I just did it."

"Bella, if it takes years I am going to make you realize how much I need you in my life. I wasn't thinking either – I just wanted the pain to go away."

"It looks like you two need some couples counseling as well ad individual," Dr. Anderson mentioned.

I nodded at Dr. Anderson.

"I'll do anything for you Bella."

The next three weeks we spent reconnecting with one another. Our couples counseling was really going well. We had gotten past all the crap we had put each other through and moved on to learning to trust one another. Edward had started physical therapy as well. I never left his side. We spent every second together. Everyone was so happy and Christmas was only a few days away.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I don't think I've said thank you lately."

"Edward you don't need too…"

"Yes I do. Without you Bella I wouldn't be here right now."

"You'd do the same for me."

"I know but that's now what I am referring to."

"Then what are you referring to?"

"You saved my life. You told Emmett…"

"He told you about that?"

He nodded, "And you told Alice to call 911. Then you went to mom."

"I had to. Everyone was just standing there. Someone had to do something."

He pulled me into his arms, "I love you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because after _saving you_, I tried to kill myself."

"Okay well I just wanted to thank you. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

We fell asleep again. We were headed home tomorrow – he was finally being released.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – BPOV**** (Nine Months Prior)**

The past two months have been complete bliss. Edward and I are closer than ever and to top it all off – I think I am ready. Prom is in three weeks and I think I want it to be extra special.

"Bella?"

My head snapped up, "Yes Edward?"

"You okay? You've been quiet the whole time we've been doing homework."

"Fine, just thinking is all."

"Anything you care to share?"

I blushed and shook my head. He frowned so I leaned over and kissed him, "I love you."

"I love you too."

I put more into the kiss than I usually do. I was ready to take our relationship to the next level. I pushed him down and crawled on top of him. I rolled my hips into his and he moaned.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I said in between kisses.

He grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back, "What are you doing?"

"Showing what I was thinking about of course."

His eyes lit up and he crashed his lips to mine.

"Oh Bella," he moaned as I slid my hands up his stomach and chest. His hands gripped my hips and pulled me tighter against his growing erection. I rolled my hips into his and we both moaned.

"Edward!" Alice screamed.

We bolted across from one another and straightened ourselves up. Alice busted into the room only seconds later.

"There you are."

"I told you Bell and I would be doing our homework in my room."

"Fine – supper is ready."

She left. I blushed and glanced up at him through my lashed. He was just smiling at me.

"How am I supposed to go to supper with this?" He said motioning to his crotch.

I blushed again, "I could think of a few ways."

He blew out a sharp breath, "I'll just meet you downstairs in a few minutes."

I nodded and went downstairs. I sat next to Alice at the table.

"Where's Edward?"

"He's coming."

I felt extremely awkward about what had just happened upstairs but no one seemed to notice. After supper we went back to out homework. This time we were on his bed.

"Edward I think we need to talk about what happened this afternoon."

He took my hands into his, "I agree. I'm sorry for doing that."

"What? I was the one who started it."

"But I didn't stop it."

I sighed, "We need to get past this."

"I want to experience everything with you Bella but I'm worried that I'll hurt you or do something wrong."

I cupped his face into my hands, "I want to experience everything with you too."

He sighed, "But I don't know…"

I cut him off, "Let's just start slow."

"Slow? Like what?"

"See one another naked?"

"And?"

"And see where it goes?"

"I want our first time to be special Love."

"I'm not saying sex Edward."

He nodded, "Okay."

"Maybe we could start off in the shower?"

"Um… I don't know…"

"Edward, what's the worst that could happen?"

He nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

I locked his bedroom door and slipped into the bathroom. I quickly started the shower and slid my clothes off. I hopped into the already steamy water and took a few breaths to calm myself.

A few minutes later I heard him slip in behind me, "Tell me when to open my eyes Bella."

"Um… how about on three?"

"Okay, 1, 2… 3."

My eyes flashed open to his. I stared right at him while his eyes drifted lower and lower. I quickly did the same.

"God, Bella. You are so beautiful."

"Can I touch you?"

He only nodded as I let my fingertips slide down his perfect chest and abs. I stopped at his hips and grabbed them. I pulled him towards me and pressed my lips against his.

"Oh Love," he murmured.

I let my hands continue downward until I grabbed his hardened length and began to stroke it.

"I want to make you feel good."

Bella," he moaned.

I continued pumping him in my hand while his hands began to fondle my breasts. He squeezed and twisted my nipples in his fingertips.

"Oh Edward."

"Bella… I going…"

I stroked him harder and faster, "Just let go."

He let his head fall back and he moaned loudly as he squirted his load against the shower wall. He looked and me and flashed his crooked smile.

"That was incredible Love."

"I'm glad."

He leaned in and kissed my lips, "My turn."

His hands slid down my body caressing every curve, "You are so beautiful Isabella." He grabbed my hips and pushed me up against the shower wall, "It's taking all my strength not to have my way with you right now."

I blushed, "I'm glad you feel that way."

"Oh Bella – how you make me feel."

His hands moved to my inner thighs. He moved my legs apart and grazed my lips with his fingertips. I took in a sharp breath. He brought one hand back up to my breasts as his other hand began to inch its way towards my wet center. His fingers pinched my clit and right nipple at the same and I writhed under his touch. He slid a finger into me and I moaned.

"You're so tight."

He pumped slowly in and out of me, his lips on mine, hand squeezing my breast as I moaned his name over and over.

"Just let go," he whispered.

I wrapped one leg around his waist and he managed to squeeze another finger into me. I didn't last long.

"Edward… so close… don't stop."

He pumped into me hard and curled his fingers, hitting that pleasure spot. I let everything go and moaned loudly. My muscles clamped down around his fingers and warmth spread through me.

Edward kissed my lips and wrapped his arms around me, "I love you Bella."

The next thing I remember was waking up in bed next to him. I was curled into his side and his arms were wrapped tightly around me. I leaned up and kissed his lips gently.

"Morning my Love."

"Morning. How'd we get in bed last night?"

He chuckled, "You don't remember?"

"I... um… no."

He chuckled again, "Well after you… climaxed," he cleared his throat, "we shut off the water and made our way to my bed. We then proceeded to make out. I guess we fell asleep."

"Oh, okay."

"You honestly don't remember?"

I shrugged, "I must have been really tired after your amazing fingers… well you know."

He shifted, "Thank you. I must admit you have some pretty amazing fingers yourself."

I blushed, "Thank you."

He kissed me chastely on the lips, "I love you, but we need to get up before anyone suspects anything."

"Oh jeeze Edward, like they didn't hear our moans."

He groaned, "Oh god I hope not."

I laughed and slipped out of bed. I got dressed quickly and made my way downstairs. I got some breakfast and sat down at the kitchen table. Alice eventually joined me."

"Morning."

"Morning, where is everyone?"

"Mom and dad are doing something. Em and Rose are still asleep I think and Jasper went to the basement to join Edward."

"He has been working out a lot lately."

"I guess," she stood and put her bowl in the dishwasher. She seemed to be debating something with herself.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded, "Hey I was wondering if you wanted to spend the weekend here again? You dad is out of town right? Like the next couple weekends?"

"Oh yeah. That'd be fun."

"But you have to promise to devote some time to me."

I laughed, "Not a problem Alice."

And so I spent the next few weekends with the Cullen's. Edward and I hadn't made much progress past oral sex but that had been enough until now. I was in my dress for prom – I was ready.

"Bella! Edward's here!"

"Coming dad."

I made my way down the steps and he gasped, "You look incredible Love."

"Thank you."

"See you tomorrow Bells."

I hugged my dad, "Bye."

"You look beautiful."

"Thanks."

"Your mother would be so proud," he said with a tear in his eye.

"I'll see you Monday."

"Have fun."

I kissed his cheek and Edward took my arm and led me out to the limo. The dancing, the food, the atmosphere - everything was so perfect and I was definitely more than ready.

"That was the best night ever!" Alice screamed as we all crawled back into the limo.

We all laughed. I leaned into Edward's shoulder and he hugged me. It didn't last as long as I'd hoped. In fact he had been acting rather off all night - not holding me like he usually does.

"You okay?"

He only nodded. Needless to say I wouldn't be getting anything tonight and my heart dropped. I woke up the next morning completely alone. I got out of bed and decided to take a shower. Once I was all dressed, hair in a ponytail, I went downstairs. I stopped mid-way when I heard raised voices.

"You can't do this anymore!"

"Back off Alice."

What? Edward and Alice were fighting?

"You have her hanging on by a thread and it's not fair."

"Stop it Alice!"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because it was my decision and I expect everyone to abide by it."

"Fine. You are such a pain in the ass."

I continued down as Alice stormed past me. I walked into the kitchen. He was at the table with his head in his hands. I noisily made some breakfast for myself and sat at the counter. I ate in silence and then went back upstairs to Alice's room.

I knocked on her door, "Can I talk to you?"

She opened the door, tears in her eyes. Jasper was sitting on the bed with the same look of despair.

"Everything okay in here?"

They both nodded. I sat on the bed next to Jasper and her put his arm around me. I leaned into him and Alice sat down next to me.

"I heard your fight this morning…"

She cut me off, "He's being an idiot!"

"You want to talk about it?"

"That's okay. I'm fine now."

"Good. Hey can you take me home?"

"Yeah. You don't want to stay the night?"

I shook my head.

"Everything okay with you?"

I smiled at Jasper, "Yep. Just want to go home."

Alice drove me home. I didn't even tell Edward I was leaving. I took a long shower and put on some comfortable clothes. I spent the rest of my Sunday doing homework and studying for my finals. Monday finally rolled around and I drove myself to school. I was at my locker when Edward walked up.

"Why did you leave yesterday?"

"Oh so you did notice I was gone?"

"Of course I did Bella."

"Well at breakfast you certainly acknowledged me."

He grabbed my hand, "Bella I have a lot on my mind."

_Of course – but apparently I'm not important enough for you to share it with._

"So you've said."

"Want to do homework at my place tonight?"

_Oh nice change of subjects._

"Can't. My dad is coming home."

"Okay. I'll call you."

_Whatever._

The school day passed in a blur. I got home and made some supper. My dad came home a few minutes later.

"Hey dad, catch anything?"

He smiled and nodded. We ate in silence. Around seven Edward called.

"Hey Love."

"Hey."

"I miss you."

"So what is going on? You and Alice have been fighting and you have been really quiet lately… and distant."

"I'm sorry. Everything is fine."

"If you say so."

"Can we do something this Saturday? Just you and me?"

"Of course. What did you have in mind?"

"You'll see."

The week flew by. Friday night Alice and Rosalie spent the night. We stayed up late and watched movies. The next morning they pampered me senseless so I was ready for my day with Edward. He arrived at six on the dot. I glided down the stairs only to stare into his glowing green eyes.

"You look exquisite."

I pressed my lips to his, "Thank you."

"You ready to go?"

I nodded and he led me out to his car. We caught dinner and then went to a movie. Before I knew it we were back at my house. I led Edward inside and up to my room. He sat down on the bed and looked up at me, "Bella?"

I kneeled in front of him and peered up at him through my lashes. He said nothing as his lips crashed onto mine. He cupped my face in his hands and pulled me on top of him. As we lay down on the bed I could feel his erection in my stomach. I moaned quietly into his mouth.

"I love you."

He moved his lips to my cheeks and went down my neck. His hands moved to the back of my dress and he slid down the zipper. He peeled my dress off me and his eyes went wide. I held my smirk as I stood and kicked my dress off. I moved my hands to the buttons of his shirt. I quickly undid them and moved to his pants. Soon he was in his boxers as I stood in front of him in my matching black lingerie – courtesy of Alice.

I lied back on the bed with him and his hands quickly unclasped my bra and he took me into his mouth. My hands slid down his stomach and I gripped his erection. I slowly began to stroke him as he moaned softly.

"I need you Love."

He shoved himself over me and kissed my body. He gently stripped me out of my underwear and started licking and sucking my inner thighs. His tongue ran along my core and I bucked my hips at him. He took off his boxers and pressed his forehead to mine.

"I love you Isabella Swan."

"I love you Edward, forever."

He gently slid into me. He took his time, allowing me to adjust to him. When he was fully sheathed inside me we both moaned. He began pumping in and out of my body slowly. When he picked up his speed he began kissing my lips and sucking on my breasts.

"Don't stop."

"So close Love."

I nodded and bucked my hips against his. He moaned loudly as I clamped down around him. He collapsed on top of me and I wrapped myself around him. He pulled out and kissed me passionately. I fell asleep curled up into his chest, his arms around me. When I woke up he wasn't there. His clothes were gone. I called his cell – nothing. I called Alice – nothing. I called Emmett – nothing. I called the Cullen house – nothing.

I started panicking. I dialed Jasper.

"Hello?"

"Jazz! I can't get ahold of anyone."

He took in a sharp breath, "They're gone Bella. Left this morning."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know – Esme's treatments. They all moved to New York. It was the best chance she has at remission."

I dropped my phone and crumpled to the floor. So much for love.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – BPOV**** (Present Day)**

"How does it feel to be home? Well out of the hospital at least?"

Edward only smiled at me. I pressed my lips to his and then rolled him into our room. He lifted himself onto the bed.

"How are you feeling? Need anything?"

He smiled again and motioned for me with his finger. I sat down next to him and he grabbed my hand.

"Now I have everything I need."

I kissed him again.

"Edward can I talk to you about something?"

He lifted a finger and stroked my cheek, "Of course."

"I was thinking about taking some classes with everyone at the start of the new semester."

"That would be great Love. What have you been thinking about taking?"

"I want to be a nurse and specialize with cancer patients. I know what they're going through and I want to be there for their families and friends who need someone to talk to."

He cupped my face, "That sounds perfect for you."

"I know."

"Are you thinking about starting after the New Year?"

I shrugged, "I'm not sure. Everyone wants me to. They think it would be good for me."

"What do you want?"

"I don't want to start without you. It won't feel right if you aren't with me."

"I wish I was ready Love, but I'm not. I need some more time with Dr. Anderson."

"I understand. I mean I can maybe take a class online or something?"

He gripped my hands into his, "I think that is a good idea."

"I need to be there for you too."

"Bella – you have been there for me."

"But your physical therapy is really going to pick up here. You will be very tired. I know what it's like and I want to be here to help you through that."

He pressed his lips to mine and I lied down on top of him. His hands moved to my hips where he gripped them fiercely. I rolled my hips into his and we both moaned.

"Bella…"

I pulled my shirt over my head and began fumbling with the button on his jeans. He pulled off his shirt then reached around and unclasped my bra, tossing it to the floor. I leaned forward and he sucked a nipple into his mouth. I slid off his jeans and boxers and quickly put him in my mouth. I swirled my tongue around him and he hissed. I went all the way down on him then as I came back up I slowly dragged my teeth along his erection.

"Jesus Bella."

I sucked him hard for a minute then pulled away making a little 'pop.' I smiled seductively up at him as I slid off my jeans and underwear. He growled at me. I crawled up his body kissing everywhere I could. Edward grabbed my face and brought it to his, pressing his lips to mine forcefully.

I sank down on his length in one swipe and both of us stopped breathing. We were finally one again. I pumped myself up and down slowly, causing him to throw his head back.

"Bella… don't… stop… please."

I kissed him and started bouncing frantically. He palmed my breasts and started moaning my name. I felt myself getting close. My walls started to clamp around him so Edward quickly grabbed my clit and pinched it.

"Edward!"

"Oh Bella."

I collapsed on top of him and he threw his arms around me. I pressed my lips to his one more time before sliding off him. I curled next to him and we both fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and hopped into the shower. Edward had physical therapy and then we had couples counseling after. I rinsed my body and turned off the water. I wrapped myself in a towel and walked back into the bedroom. Edward was sitting up in bed.

"Morning."

"Did last night really happen Love?"

I nodded and blushed, "Yes."

"Okay cause I woke up and you weren't here. I kind of panicked thinking it was all a dream."

I sat next to him, "I'm sorry. I didn't think about how you would feel if you woke up alone."

"It's okay. I heard your shower so I knew you were still here. I wanted to join you but I can't seem to get up. It took everything I had just to sit up."

"Oh Edward. Do you feel tired?"

"No my muscles just won't support me right now. They are all shaky."

"Let me start you a bath then get Emmett. He and Rose stayed here last night."

He nodded. I kissed his forehead and got dressed quickly. I started his bath then went to find Em. I knocked on his old bedroom door and he answered still half asleep.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's no problem. What's up?"

"Edward can't get up."

"Meaning?"

"He wants to get cleaned up. I can't lift him into the tub."

"Oh no prob." He followed me to the bedroom. "Morning there little brother."

"Hey Em. I can't seem to get up today."

"No problem. You want in the tub?"

"Yeah. I was going to give him a bath. Hopefully get some of those muscles to relax."

Emmett pulled back the covers and immediately threw them down. He covered his eyes and sighed, "Look I love you and all but I really don't want to know why you slept naked last night."

I flushed crimson and grabbed a hand towel from the bathroom. I pulled the covers off Edward and threw the towel over him.

"All right. Sorry Em."

He picked Edward up and placed him in the tub without saying another word to either of us. I carefully washed Edward before letting him soak.

"Do you think he knows?"

I giggled, "Probably but it's Emmett. The worst he will do is crack a few jokes at our expense once we're both better. No one will know what he is talking about."

Edward chuckled, "Probably."

"Do you think last night is the reason your muscles aren't supporting you right now?"

He shrugged, "Maybe, but coming home yesterday was rather exhausting."

I nodded, "Feels good to be home though."

After he was all clean I pulled the plug and let the water drain. I gave him a towel to wrap himself in and went to go get Emmett. He came in, lifted Edward out of the tub and set him on the edge of the bed without saying a word. I quickly dressed Edward then he slid himself into his wheelchair. I wheeled him down the hall and into the kitchen. Alice and Jasper were already there eating breakfast.

"Morning," Alice greeted smiling.

I placed Edward at the table then started making breakfast. I mixed up pancakes and soon the kitchen was full. I rolled my eyes as Emmett helped himself to half the first batch I made. Edward and I ate then I cleaned everything up. Carlisle drove us to physical therapy.

"Good morning Edward."

"Morning Alec."

"Ah, Bella so glad you could join us again today."

I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall. Edward wheeled towards Alec. He pulled himself up from the wheelchair using the parallel bars and stood.

"Okay so move now," Alec commanded.

Edward slid his hands along the bars and began shuffling his feet. I could tell he was struggling today.

"We've been doing this for three weeks now and you are acting like it is your first day."

Alec wheeled the chair over to Edward and had him sit.

"What is going on with you today?"

Edward shrugged, "I just woke up really tired."

"You were released yesterday afternoon correct?"

Edward only nodded.

"Did you do anything physically straining that could cause this lack of strength today?"

Edward stammered, "Um… no."

Alec cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. He glanced at my, now tomato read face, and sighed.

"You two! Edward you know you haven't been medically cleared yet! Bella you are well aware of the side effects physical therapy puts on your body."

"We're really sorry Alec. We just got carried away. I mean we haven't been alone in so long. Besides Bella was on top the whole time."

If I could have been any more embarrassed it would have to be right now. Alec rolled his eyes and pushed Edward towards the mat laid out on the floor. He helped him lay down on it as he started stretching and working his legs. When he finished he put him back in the chair.

"Now no more horseplay you two. I expect you to be out of that thing by late next week. Do some of your exercises over the holiday and I will see you in the 26th."

We both nodded and left. We took the elevator to Dr. Anderson's office. I sat down next to Edward on the end of the couch.

"So how are you two today?"

"I'm all right."

"I've been better."

"And why is that Edward?"

"Physical therapy was just rough today. I'm sick of this wheel chair and sick of feeling exhausted all the time."

"You were released yesterday though, how was that?"

"Good. I feel a little guilty about the fact that we have to stay in New York for the holidays though. I know how much it meant to mom to be home for Christmas."

"Edward they want us to get better and that won't happen in Forks. This was necessary to stay here."

"I know but if I wouldn't have tried to kill myself we would all be at my house in Forks, home from college break and I would have been planning on proposing to you on Christmas Eve. Instead here we sit, in New York, in therapy because I don't know how to communicate my feelings."

My mouth dropped, "Proposing?"

He shrugged, "We were together got almost four years before I went and fucked it all up."

I grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes, "You need to stop doing this. I love you. Our past is exactly that – our past. We need to focus on the future now. If you would get rid of all this negative energy you might be making more progress in physical therapy."

He pulled away from me and wheeled over to the window. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed before looking back at me.

"I know. I just can't help but be down about all of this – it is all my fault – all of it!"

"Fine! So what if it was? We all realize this but we love you so we forgave you. When are you going to forgive yourself Edward? When are you going to realize that you made a fucking mistake and just let it go?"

He stared back at me, "Now."

"What?"

"Right now. I needed to hear that Bella. Everyone has been tiptoeing around the fact that this is all my fault. You are the first to say it – agree with me."

"Seriously?"

He nodded and wheeled back over to me. He grabbed my hands and stared into my eyes.

"How did you figure out what you wanted to do with your life? How did you know nursing was right to you?"

"Because I like to take care of people. I know what the patients are going through, as well as their families. I feel like I would be good at reassuring them, making them feel comfortable."

He smiled, "You sound so passionate about it."

I nodded, "I am. I know it won't always be easy, but all jobs are like that."

"What are you interested in Edward?"

We both jumped at the sound of Dr. Anderson's voice. We were in our own little intense bubble that we had forgotten we were in her office. He thought for a moment.

"I too like the idea of nursing but I want to deal with suicide cases, maybe counseling though."

"So the medical field at least?"

He nodded and then smiled at me.

"Well today is definitely a step in the right direction. Good job you two. I'm going to suggest releasing both of you from my care."

My eyes widened, "What?"

"Bella you don't need me anymore."

"Yes I do."

She smiled, "No you don't. You are ready for this. Both of you are. Today proved that. You didn't even realize I was here until I spoke. I will give you my number and you can call me whenever you want."

I felt this release and sighed. I smiled at Edward and he smiled back. Dr. Anderson handed me her card.

"You two keep in touch. I expect great things from both of you."

On our way down in the elevator I threw my arms around Edward and sat in his lap. He chuckled and pressed his lips to mine. He wheeled us the rest of the way out of the hospital where Carlisle was waiting.

"Think you got enough lap room for me too?"

"Dad! What are you doing here? You weren't supposed to come in until tomorrow morning?"

He chuckled, "Thought I'd surprise you. Carlisle's idea actually."

I glanced over my dad's shoulder and waved at Carlisle before wrapping my arms around him.

"I'm so glad you are here. Edward and I have some really good news today that we would like to share with you."

"Oh yeah? What's that kiddo?"

I smiled and sat down in Edward's lap, kissing his cheek, "We got released from counseling this afternoon."

My dad's face lit up, "So that means?"

"Yep – we get to go home!"

"What about your physical therapy Edward?"

"I can get that anywhere Charlie. I want to go home."

"I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when you tell them."

"Let's wait until supper – you know, tell everyone together?"

Edward nodded in agreement and my dad zipped his lips and threw away the key – making us both laugh. We drove home in silence and I got my dad all settled into Carlisle's study – since all the other rooms were currently taken.

"Bells do you think you will live at home with me?"

I shrugged, "Not sure dad. I think I want to start college."

"What about Edward?"

"I still have to talk with him about it."

He wrapped his arms around me, "I'm so proud of you."

I sighed, "Thanks dad."


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – BPOV**** (Six Months Prior)**

The next thing I knew my dad was shaking my shoulder.

"Why aren't you in school?"

"They're gone dad."

"Who's gone kiddo?"

"E… the Cullen's."

"Oh I didn't know they were going out of town."

I shook my head, "No, they moved to New York. Esme has breast cancer."

He froze. I began to sob again.

"He didn't tell you?"

I just shook my head. He wrapped he arms around me. We stayed that way until there was a knock on the door. I glanced at the clock – that would be Jasper and Rose. My dad shuffled down the steps and I heard muffled voices, then my door swung open.

"Bella!"

I glanced up at Jasper, tears streaming down my face. He lied down next to me and pulled me onto his chest.

"I can't believe he didn't know – that he didn't tell you."

"Where's Rose?" I choked.

"Downstairs talking with your dad. He's pretty upset."

I continued to cry into his chest throughout the night. I woke up the next morning with Rose also smashed next to me on my bed. My dad's knocking had woken only me.

"I brought some eggs for all three of you."

"Thanks dad."

"How are you?"

"Been better."

"Okay I'll be downstairs if you need me. I took off work and I called the school for you."

"Love you daddy."

"I love you too kiddo."

I shook the other two awake and we ate in silence. Rose moved the tray to the floor and she turned to face me.

"Would you like to call him?"

I shook my head, "No."

"Come on Bella. I'm sure he had his reasons."

"Don't you dare defend what he did."

"I'm not but there has to be a reason Bella."

"No Rose, NO! What he did was inexcusable. I can't forgive him for this – I'm done loving Edward Cullen!"

"Bella, what can we do for you?"

"Get Carlisle on the phone. Rose I need you to start packing my bags."

"But Bella…"

"No Jazz. I have to do this… for Esme. She needs me."

Jasper held out the phone, "It's dialing."

I nodded taking the phone from him.

"Hello Jasper."

"Actually Carlisle, it's Bella."

"Oh… did Edward not give you his new number?"

I flinched, "Oh um… no but I actually wanted to talk to you if that's all right?"

"Of course."

"How long have you all known about Esme's condition?"

"What? Edward told you a month ago about all this."

"He actually didn't. I didn't know anything at all – he made damn sure of it too."

All the silence, arguments with Alice – everything made sense now.

"We found out six weeks ago. We caught it early. We tried to post-pone the treatment as long as possible, but she just got to sick."

"I want to help. I didn't get to help my mom – Esme is the closest thing to a mom that I have left."

"I understand that Bella, but you have to finish school – it's your senior year."

"None of that matters anymore. I need to be there for Esme."

"What exactly are you suggesting?"

"I want to come live with you in New York. I want to take Esme to her treatments – take care of you all."

"But Bella… Charlie needs you too."

"He'll understand why I need to do this, please Carlisle."

"Well this will sure make Edward a lot happier."

"I don't care about him Carlisle. Please don't tell him about this."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive – I'm not doing this for him anymore."

"I'll call the airlines and get your ticket for Friday morning."

I handed the phone back to Jazz.

"Bella…"

"I have to do this."

I marched down the stairs and found my dad in the living room watching the television.

"Everything okay?"

"I'm going to New York."

"I know he broke your heart… but,"

"I'm not doing this for him. I already called Carlisle – he's getting a ticket for me."

"What about school?"

"Right now I could careless. Esme needs me. I have to do this."

"I understand why you are doing this, believe me Bella. Me of all people, I completely understand but you have to graduate high school."

"Can't you talk to them dad? I'm the valedictorian and there are only three and a half weeks left of school anyway."

He stood and placed his hands on my shoulders, "I'll see what I can do. You just go pack."

I kissed his cheek, "Thanks dad."

I went back upstairs and assisted Rose with my things.

"What'd your dad say?"

"He's calling the school."

"So you're going then?"

I nodded, "She needs me."

A couple of hours later my dad came in. Rose and Jasper left and I promised I would call them.

"What'd the school say?"

"You need to take your finals before you leave. They have you scheduled or three tomorrow and three on Thursday. Can you do that?"

I nodded, "I have to."

I didn't sleep very well that night. I woke up early and took a shower, grabbed a thermos of coffee before heading to school. I pulled in next to Jazz and Rose.

"What are you doing here?"

"I have today and tomorrow to take all my finals."

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"It's all right Rose. I brought this upon myself."

"Well good luck then."

"Thanks!" I called over my shoulder as I walked towards the school. I strolled into the office and smiled at Ms. Cope.

"Why good morning Bella! Principal Berty is expecting you."

I nodded and headed into his office. I sat down and smiled at him.

"Morning Bella. I take it you are all ready then?"

I lifted my thermos, taking a sip and nodded at him.

"You will be taking them in the conference to the right of me here. Which one would you like to start with?"

I groaned, "Calculus."

He smiled and handed it to me. I stood and went into the conference room. I took a seat acing the door and sipped more of my coffee. I put my name on my test and began.

The next two days I sat at that table and fried my brains out. I completed all six without difficulty and Thursday night I made my dad's favorite meal – swiss steak.

"I'm going to miss you around here Bells."

"I'm going to miss you too dad."

"Keep me updated on Esme, okay?"

"I will."

I cleaned up supper and went to bed. I woke up early and got ready. My dad loaded all my things and I grabbed a granola bar on my way out.

"Call when you get there."

"I will."

"Love you Kiddo."

"Love you dad."

I hugged him before boarding my plane. When I landed in New York, Carlisle and Esme were waiting for me. Esme wrapped her arms around me.

"Thank you so much for coming Bella."

"Anything for you mom – you know that."

She wiped her tears as Carlisle pulled me into a hug. We grabbed my bags and I called my dad on the drive to the house. No one was home when I got there – thankfully. I quickly unpacked my things in Alice's room and collapsed on the bed. When I woke up it was morning.

"Morning sleeping beautiful."

"Alice!" I threw my arms around her and began to sob.

"I'm so glad you're here Bella. He is so miserable right now."

I shook my head, "No."

"What?"

"No Alice. I'm not here for him. I came for mom. I graduated early and am here to help out."

"But…"

"No. He didn't tell me. I forgive everyone else but him."

"He loves you."

"Well I don't love him – not anymore."

"Bella?"

"Can we drop this?"

She nodded and got up. We both got dressed and went downstairs to get some breakfast. We were eating our cereal when Emmett walked in. He wrapped me into his arms.

"It's so good to see you Bella!"

"Thanks Em. It's good to be here."

"Have you spoken with Edward yet?"

I was getting frustrated with this conversation.

"No and I don't plan on it so just drop it please."

"Do you want to go shopping today?"

"That sounds like fun."

"Let's go see if mom wants to go."

We rinsed our cereal bowls and headed into the master bedroom. We found Esme sprawled across the floor, struggling to get back to bed.

"Mom!"

I rushed to her side and lifted her into the bed.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded and rested against her pillows. I went into the bathroom, got a cold cloth and a hair tie.

"I'm going to get your hair off your neck okay?"

"Be careful, it's starting to fall out."

I nodded and carefully put her hair up. I wiped the back of her neck with the cloth and along her face. She sighed.

"So what are you girls up to today?"

"Oh we were going to go shopping, would you like to join us?"

"I don't think I can Bella."

"Sure you can mom. You just rest. I'll go get some tea with honey – all right?"

She nodded and I pulled Alice from the room.

"You saw her – she can't possibly shop with us today."

"Yes she can. Go get your laptop."

"What, why?"

"Online shopping of course."

Her face lit up and she took the steps two at a time to get to her room. I laughed and quickly made some tea. By the time I got back to the bedroom Alice was all set up in the middle of the bed. I handed Esme her tea and sat next to both of them. The next three hours we shopped and bought – it was so much fun.

"Bella would you mind getting me some crackers."

"Not at all. Do you want some more tea, or maybe water?"

"Both – if it's not too much trouble."

I smiled and slid off the bed, grabbing her empty mug. I made my way to the kitchen and started making the tea. I dug around and found some crackers as well. I turned around to grab the tea bag I had placed on the counter and he was sitting at the kitchen table. Had he been sitting there the whole time? Surely I would have noticed him when I walked in. I turned back around and finished what I was doing. I left the kitchen – tea, water, and crackers in hand – without even saying a word to him.

A couple hours later Alice and I left Esme to rest and went to make lunch.

"What are you in the mood for?"

She shrugged and hopped onto the counter.

"Do you want me to make some soup and sandwiches? Maybe grilled cheese and tomato?"

She nodded, "Sounds good."

I started making everything when Emmett strolled in, "Whatcha makin?"

"Grilled cheese and tomato soup."

His eyes went wide and his mouth started watering.

"I can make you some too."

He smiled and gave Alice a high five. I laughed and went back to the stove. I just started making the sandwiches when he walked in. I kept my eyes down.

"Hey bout time you come out of that room of yours!" Em stated.

Edward didn't respond as he opened the fridge. I tried to pretend he wasn't there.

"You want to join us for lunch?"

He walked out of the kitchen without even answering his sister's question.

"Ass."

"Bella you didn't even look at him."

"I was a little busy Emmett!"

"That's bullshit and you know it."

I slid the sandwiches off the skilled, "I thought I asked you to drop it?"

He sighed, "Fine."

We ate in silence. I made Esme some chicken noodle soup and then started making supper. He didn't come down to eat that night and I didn't see him all day Sunday. Monday morning rolled around. I was in the kitchen making breakfast when she spoke.

"You know I haven't seen him since we moved."

"What?"

"He hasn't come to supper or come in my bedroom. It's too hard for me to go up the stairs. I sit here and watch as he walks out the door for school."

I stood, "That's it!"

I marched up the stairs right past a very confused Emmett and a concerned Alice. I threw his bedroom door open. He was buttoning his shirt by his closet. I didn't even glance around the room as I stormed over to him.

"What the hell is your problem?"

He stared at me.

"Your mother sits are that kitchen table every morning hoping you will come down and talk to her. She has cancer Edward! You need to be there for her. She needs you and you're too busy moping around and acting like a self-absorbed asshole to see that!"

His eyes fell, "Sorry."

"Don't say that to me – tell her that!"

"No Bella, I'm sorry."

I lost it, "Why didn't you tell me?"

He just shrugged. I slapped him across the face and walked out.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – BPOV**** (Present Day)**

We were all seated around the table eating supper.

"Edward and I have some good news we would like to announce."

I smiled at my dad and continued.

"Edward and I were released from counseling today."

Esme dropped her fork, "You mean?"

"We can move home!" Edward announced proudly.

"What about your physical therapy?"

"Well Bella and I can stay the week here while you guys move home. Alec says I should be rid of this wheelchair by the end of the week."

"Hey you could always stay at our apartment?" Em said, "We won't need it anymore."

"So we all will be home by New Year's Eve! This is the best Christmas present I could get," Esme said smiling.

The rest of the evening went by quickly. I couldn't believe it was Christmas Eve."

"Wake up sleepy heads, Santa's been here!"

I groaned at Emmett's six in the morning enthusiasm and rolled off the bed. I slammed the door shut and sat back down on the bed next to Edward.

"He's not kidding Love."

"I know, I just wanted to let everyone know how I feel about getting up early."

He chuckled and pulled me to meet his lips. He sucked my lower lip into his mouth and I collapsed onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, "Merry Christmas Love."

"Merry Christmas."

There was a knock on the door and Alice poked her head in, "Emmett's threatening to open all your presents if you don't hurry up."

"What is he, two? Seriously!"

Alice giggled and shut the door. I stood up and wheeled Edward his chair. He slid into it and we made out way to the living room.

"Bout time you two!"

I grabbed a pillow off the couch and threw it at him. It hit him in the face – earning me a high-five from Rose. I sat on the couch next to Jasper and Edward placed himself next to me. All the presents were handed out and we started tearing the wrapping paper off. I only had one small gift left and everyone seemed to be staring at me. I read the tag – from everyone. I opened it slowly and nearly dropped it when I noticed it was a bag from Tiffany's. My fingers trembled as I opened the box.

"Oh my gosh!"

Alice squealed and Esme wiped away tears. I stared at the most beautiful heart-shaped set of diamond earrings I had ever seen.

"They're so beautiful."

"You like them?"

"Like it a bit of an understatement mom – I love them."

Alice squealed again.

"Thank you all so much."

"No Bella. Thank you. You kept this family going when no one else could," Carlisle whispered.

I wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face. Edward leaned over and took my right hand, kissing my knuckles. I smiled at him and sighed. I looked around the room and everyone was just so happy. The rest of the day passed by. Monday morning everyone boarded their flight to Washington. The moving truck had been loaded at the crack of dawn and it was on its way to Forks. Edward and I with out suitcases in hand, opened the door to the apartment we would be staying in all week.

"Come on Edward – one more step!"

I watched as Alec made him take yet another step. His face contorted in what could only be described as pain, but he kept on walking along the parallel bars.

"Good. Good job. Have a seat and I will be right back."

He collapsed into his wheelchair and as soon as Alec left, I rushed over to him.

"You okay?"

He smiled, "It's a good kind of pain."

I nodded, "I remember."

"I wish I could have been there for you."

"You were – it was just in a different way."

He glanced up at me and quickly pressed his lips to mine. I backed up and held out my hands to him, "Come here."

He wheeled forward but I placed a foot on his chair to stop him. He put the brakes on and grabbed my hands. I helped to pull him up.

"Hold onto my hands. We're going to go for a little walk." His eyes widened, "Trust me."

I backed up as he stepped forward. His hands gripped mine as tightly as he shuffled away from his chair. When we got about ten steps I stopped and wrapped my arms around him. He rested against me. I lifted my head up as he pressed his lips to mine.

"Now that's more like it."

He chuckled, "This is the first time I have kissed you standing up."

"I know."

"You little sneak."

I smiled and buried my face into his chest.

"I love you Bella."

I looked up at him and sighed before kissing him again, "I love you too."

"I leave you two alone for five minutes and you walk halfway across the room!"

Edward smiled, "She's just so persuasive Alec, what can I say!"

I turned him around and made him go back to his chair the same way he came. Once he was sitting Alec handed me a walker.

"He needs to start relying on this more than the wheelchair."

I nodded, "Okay."

"All right – stay out of trouble you two – see you tomorrow."

We left the hospital and went back to the apartment. I made us some lunch and we talked.

"I think we should wait to start college Bella."

"I agree. I mean we will get home and have to start right away. I'm not ready for that."

"Me either. I want to be walking on my own before I step foot in a class."

"Maybe we could take a vacation?"

Before he could answer there was a knock on the door. I opened it.

"Sorry to bother you two but I have a couple that would be perfect to have this place after you move out."

I smiled at the landlord, "Well show them in. We were just finishing lunch."

"All right."

He stepped back into the hallway and I went back to the table.

"I think we all need one – the whole family."

Edward smiled, "That would be nice."

It is completely furnished as has been well taken care of by our previous residents."

I glanced at the couple the landlord was showing around. They looked absolutely exhausted – like they had been through hell and back.

"Full kitchen with room for a table, and spacious living room. The bedroom is right through here."

"I'm so ready to go home – I miss my bed."

I giggled, "So do I."

The rest of the week flew by. On Wednesday the wheelchair was taken away from Edward – it was all walker now and he was ecstatic. Our flight was scheduled to leave Friday at one.

"It feels so good to be out of that chair."

"I bet."

"I'm going to take a nap okay?"

"All right. I'll make you something to eat when you're up."

He made his way into the bedroom and shut the door. A few minutes later where was a knock on the door. I opened it and there stood the couple that had signed the lease to our place starting Friday.

"We're sorry to bother you but we just couldn't be in that hospital a minute longer."

"It's fine. Please come in."

They both sat on the couch looking worse than Monday.

"Can I get you anything at all? I was just about to make myself some lunch."

"Oh we're sorry to bother you…"

"No please – I insist."

The followed me to the kitchen and sat at the table as I made some sandwiches.

"We really appreciate this."

I glanced at the husband – he had yet to say a word.

"It's no problem at all. Edward just finished his physical therapy – he always takes a nap after."

"I bet you both are excited to be going home."

I nodded, "It's been a long seven months."

We sat silent for a moment.

"If you don't mind my asking… Who is it in the hospital?"

"Our son. He's six. He broke his arm about three weeks ago and there were some abnormalities in his scans. We found out he has bone cancer."

"I am so sorry. Edward's mother had breast cancer. We found out last spring. She just went into remission."

"So then why are you still visiting the hospital?"

"It's a long and complicated story."

"If you don't mind sharing it – we do have time."

I sighed.

"Well it all started last May. Edward and his family moved here from Forks, Washington so Esme could start her treatments. I graduated early and flew out here to take care of her. You see my mom had cancer. Before I was born, then again when I was six. It took her life the third time when I was twelve. My dad and I moved from Arizona to Washington to have a new start. That was when I met Edward and his family."

I glanced over at the husband again, nothing.

"We became very close and I started dating Edward. I knew I had to help Esme – I couldn't help my mom because I was too young. I flew out a week after them and basically did everything for them."

I wiped a tear.

"Edward wasn't taking it so well. He tried to commit suicide. He was in a coma for six months and I never once left his side. When he woke up we started counseling. We were just released from that last week."

"Oh my."

I held out my left forearm.

"When he tried to kill himself I didn't take it so well. After we found him I just kind of lost it. I was in a coma for a month myself. I just can't live in a world where he doesn't exist."

"You both have been through a lot then?"

I nodded.

"We decided we wanted to be nurses. I specifically want to work with cancer patients and their families."

I reached out and grabbed her hand.

"I know what you are going through. I've been there. You can't give up though. Your son needs you to stay strong."

Tears poured down her face and she rushed to the bathroom. I turned to him.

"What's his name?"

For the first time the husband spoke, "Jake."

"He needs you too. Play catch with him, sit there for hours and let him beat you at X-Box. Ask him where he most wants to visit."

"Why?"

"Because once he is in remission you need to go there."

"What if he…"

"Then that is where you spread his ashes."

He let out a sharp breath.

"He'll make it through because he has two parents that love him dearly."

A few tears rolled down his face.

"You'll get to see him go to prom, become the senior class president, have his first heartbreak and hug him on his wedding day. He'll make you a grandpa and hold your hand on your death bed. You just need to be there for him now."

He nodded and went to the bathroom where he proceeded to hold his sobbing wife. They hugged me as they both left.

"You're going to make one hell of a nurse."

Friday rolled around and Edward was in his last physical therapy session with Alec.

"Come on now – you can do this!"

He positioned the crutches under his arms and went around the room with a smile on his face. Our flight back to Washington he turned to me.

"I want to be a nurse Bella – just like you. I want to go to work with you everyday and help those who have gone through what we have."

I pressed my lips to his, "Good."


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – BPOV**** (Still Present Day)**

"Edward! Bella!"

I swear you could hear Alice shouting from the plane. She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back.

"Hey Al. We just saw you like a week ago you know?"

"I know but I still missed you."

"I missed you too."

"So you and Edward's room is all set up. Mom bought you both a whole new set of furniture – for a fresh start together – all of us."

I pulled back from the hug and turned to Edward. He was simply smiling at me. Moments later Emmett, Jasper and Rose came over holding our luggage.

"You guys ready to get home?"

I nodded at Jasper. We all made our way out to Em's massive jeep and climbed in. The ride home was quiet and before I knew it we were home. As we walked in, the smell of Esme's famous chocolate chip cookies hit me. Edward sniffed and smiled.

"God I missed that smell."

Everyone chuckled. They passed us and took out luggage upstairs. Edward and I went into the kitchen where Esme and Carlisle were busy cooking. Esme flew around the counter at me, "Oh good you're both home. Now we can really celebrate the new year."

She hugged us both, kissed our cheeks then returned back to her cooking. Carlisle simply winked at both of us.

"Well I think we should go rest for a little bit."

"Bella I invited your father over for supper tomorrow night. It being a holiday and all."

"Great!"

"You two rest; I'll have Alice wake you when supper is ready."

We went upstairs, Edward taking his time on each step with his crutches. I opened his bedroom door and we both gasped. The room had been completely redone. There was a massive king size bed up against the far wall. It was covered in a light green and brown comforter with matching pillows. There were matching nightstands and dressers as well in the room. I sat on the bed and literally sunk in. This was heaven. Edward copied me, lying down and pulling me onto his chest.

"Perfect," he murmured kissing my hair.

I rested my head against his chest and sighed. I loved his arms wrapped around me – it was one of those things he did out of habit and I didn't mind in the slightest. He soon fell asleep. His breathing evened out and some of his muscles twitched. I lay there unable to stop my racing thoughts.

Now that we were home, what would become of us? Would Edward ask me to marry him? Would we go off to college and go our separate ways? I was starting to panic. A knock on the door put a stop to my thoughts.

"Supper is ready."

I glanced up at Alice and smiled. I shook Edward awake and rolled off the bed. He grabbed his crutches and hoisted himself off the bed with them. We made our way downstairs and into the dining room.

"Have a good nap?" Carlisle asked.

Edward nodded while I shook my head, "I couldn't fall asleep."

Edward raised an eyebrow but I turned my focus towards Esme.

"Mom, you really out did yourself in the bedroom – it is incredible. Thank you."

"It kept me busy this week."

"Well it is too much."

"Nonsense Bella. The bedroom needed the updating."

I smiled as I moved the food around on my plate. The panic was really hitting me hard. Edward reached for me hand but I dropped it onto my lap under the table.

"You okay?" He whispered.

I nodded and forced a smile. I stuck some food in my mouth, chewed and swallowed. I repeated the process a few more times until about half my food was gone. I glanced around and noticed everyone immersed in their own conversations. I stood and took my plate into the kitchen. Alice wasn't far behind me.

"Everything okay?"

I shrugged, "Not really. I have a lot on my mind."

"Wanna talk about it?"

I sighed, "What if now that we're back, he realizes why he left me in the first place without telling me? I can't live without him. What if…"

"What if my love for you has only grown stronger these past few months? What if I want to spend every aching second with you? What if I love you so much it hurts to think about being away from you?"

By this time Edward had rested his crutches against the counter and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He pressed his face in to the area between my shoulder and neck, breathing me in.

"I love you Bella. Moving home hasn't changed how I feel about you."

"I'm sorry. I let my thoughts run wild this time."

"No worries Love. I plan on showing you tonight just how I feel about you."

"And that's my cue to leave. Bella if you want to talk I will be in my room."

Alice darted from the kitchen. Edward continued kissing my neck, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist.

"I love you Isabella Swan. There is no one else I want but you."

"I only want you too Edward. Sorry for being so distant during supper."

"Forgotten."

I sighed, "I'll get over my insecurity complex someday."

"I wish you saw yourself as I do."

"Maybe I will – if you show me what it is you love so much."

I could feel his erection straining in his jeans. A low growl ripped from his chest, "As you wish."

I slid from his embrace and darted up the stairs, leaving him fumbling with his crutches in the kitchen. I hid under the covers as I listened to him get closer. The door slowly creaked open. I heard him chuckle as the door was shut and locked clicked.

"You really shouldn't have done that my Love."

He sat on the bed next to me. My breathing caught in my throat as he yanked the covers back. I stared up at his bare chest and swallowed – hard. He pushed my shoulders until I was on my back. He quickly pulled on my jeans and underwear. He brought his face in between my thighs and licked my throbbing clit.

"I love how wet I can get you."

He slid his massive hands up my thighs, massaging as he went. His fingers danced around my slit, making me moan.

"I love how, with just my hands, I can bring your lips to moan my name."

With that he slid a finger into me. He slowly pumped in and out teasing me. He rested his thumb against my clit, rubbing painfully slow circles.

"I love the look on your face when I tell you I love you."

He slid a second finger in and picked up his pace, sliding them in and out of my body. His thumb applied more pressure and I could feel the sensations building within me. I moaned and bucked my hips up.

"I love watching you as I bring you to your climax."

My muscles tightened around his fingers as my whole body shuddered. I closed my eyes as the orgasm overtook my body. He withdrew his fingers from me and licked them slowly.

"I love how you taste."

He bent his head down and licked and sucked as his hands traveled up my t-shirt. I sat up and pulled it off, along with my bra. His thumbs traced across my nipples as he squeezed my breasts into his hands.

"I love how your breasts feel in my hands. The are the perfect fit."

He slowly kissed up my body. He sucked my nipples into his mouth and I arched my back. I traced my hands down his torso until I reached his jeans. I unbuttoned them and quickly pulled them down. I reached into his boxers and gripped him tightly. He bit down on my right nipple and I gasped.

"I love feeling your hand wrapped around my cock."

I stroked him slowly as he continued his assault on my breasts. He eventually continued kissing up my neck and jaw line. Before he reached my lips he kicked off his jeans and I finished pulling his boxers down.

"I love how your mouth feels against mine."

He pressed his lips to mine. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. I opened my mouth as his tongue slid against mine. He pulled back and settled himself at my entrance.

"But you know what I love most?"

I blushed and shook my head.

"I love making love to you."

He worked himself inside of me and we fell into a slow, sensual pace. He brought his lips back to mine again. We continued like this for a good while until Edward rolled us over.

"I love when you ride me."

I leaned down and deepened out kissed as I slammed down onto him. He let out a moan. I threw my head back and placed my hands on his chest. His hands squeezed and massaged my breasts.

"I love how you feel as we cum together."

I bounced up and down on him a few more times. His fingers returned to my clit. We both exploded together and I collapsed onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around my and kissed my forehead.

"I love holding you in my arms."

I looked down at him and he smiled up at me. He lifted his hands to my face and stroked my cheeks.

"I love your blush. Your eyes – I feel like they can read my soul."

He ran one hand threw my hair.

"I love having your hair sprawled across my chest and pillow."

I climbed off him and cuddled into his chest and side.

"I love listening to your breathing as you sleep."

He smiled and chuckled running a finger down my arm.

"I love hearing you mumble my name in your sleep."

He sat up and looked down at me. He pushed me onto my stomach and hovered behind me. I felt his erection against my thigh. He slowly kissed down my back.

"I love taking you from every position."

He slid into me again and I lifted my hips as he thrust forward. I moaned and pushed against him. He growled and began slamming deeply into me.

"I love fucking you senseless."

I moaned again. He continued to pump in and out of me forcefully. His own moans were growing louder. We didn't last long. He collapsed on my back as I fell forward onto the mattress.

"I love how we fit together."

I rolled onto my side after he rolled off me. We were facing one another, completely exhausted.

"I love you."

I kissed him passionately. He pulled me into his arms and I rested my head on his chest. He rolled onto his back and threw the covers over us.

"I love falling asleep with you in my arms."

I was almost asleep as he kissed my forehead.

"Only you my love – only you."

The next morning I woke up to find Edward missing from the bed. I sat up and looked around the room again. The dressed sat next to each other opposite the bed. They were right in between the doors to the bathroom and closet. The nightstands were next to both sides of the bed. I glanced at the clock – it was almost noon.

"No wonder Edward isn't with me. I only slept fourteen hours."

I rolled out of bed and padded to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a cashmere ivory sweater. I took the time to blow dry my hair straight before running a straightener through it. I applied a quick coat of mascara before hopping down the stairs. Everyone was in the living room watching a movie.

"Hey there sleepy-head, bout time you get up. We through you might be trying to break a Guinness record for sleeping or something."

Rose smacked the back of Emmett's head.

"What?"

I smiled and turned to walk into the kitchen. Alice and Esme were right behind me.

"Everything okay?"

"What are you hungry for dear?"

"I'm fine and maybe just a bowl of cereal."

I dug through the cupboards as Esme got the milk out for me. Alice perched herself on the counter next to me as I ate.

"You slept awhile."

I smiled, "I think Em was right about the record thing."

"I'm glad to see you using your closet and bathroom supplies correctly."

I rolled my eyes, "Jeeze thanks."

"No I like the sweater on you but you really need to start eating more."

"I eat fine Alice."

"Then why are you wearing jeans that are two sizes smaller than you used to wear?"

I shrugged, "Different brand?"

"Wrong. I bought everything in your closet Bella. You looked swamped in your old clothes."

"So you bought me a whole new wardrobe?"

She nodded.

"I've been eating – I promise."

I dumped the rest of my cereal in the sink and she glared at me.

"What? I'm full!"

She hopped off the kitchen counter and pulled me upstairs into my closet. She began shouting sizes at me.

"So what if they are extra smalls."

"You were a medium Bella."

I walked out to the full-length mirror and pulled my sweater up. You could clearly see my ribs. My skin stretched tightly across my stomach, almost sinking in. My pants hung low on my hips – the hipbones sticking out as well.

I pulled my jeans down. My thighs were skinny, easily half the size they used to be. My knee bones looked awkward protruding out. I lifted my arm – I always hated my arms – they were too big for my body but I noticed how thin they really were. I grabbed my favorite watch. It fit me perfectly before and now it hung loosely off my wrist.

I looked hard at my face in the mirror. My cheekbones stuck out and me neck looked chicken-like. I quickly redressed myself and went back into the closet. I pulled out my favorite hoodie. It had fit so wonderfully last Christmas when Edward had gotten it for me.

I pulled it on over my sweater – it swamped me. I remember how the bottom hem hugged my hips and now it just draped around my waist. I stared at Alice wide-eyed.

"What happened?"

I pulled the hoodie off and clutched it to my chest tightly.

"You stopped taking care of yourself. You ate one solid meal a day – maybe. Bella, when Edward was in the hospital we had to force you to leave him to eat, remember?"

"But I always ate something."

"It wasn't enough. You had physical therapy and counseling. Between all that you didn't even begin to eat enough."

"Why did no one tell me this?"

"You were so fragile. You looked like you would snap at any second sometimes."

"So you just went out and bought me all new clothing and hoped I wouldn't notice?"

She sighed, "No. But you needed things that fit you."

I threw my arms around her and began to sob.

"I look like a skeleton. How can he love me when I look like this? He's so fit now and I'm…"

"Perfect."

I turned around to find him leaned against the closet doorway. He crutched towards and stopped balancing on his crutches with just his arms. He lifted his hands and cupped my face into his hands. He slowly leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.

"Remember what I told you last night Love?"

I nodded as the tears spilled from my eyes.

"I meant every single word. You are simply beautiful just the way you are."

He wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs and kissed me again.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Now what do you say we go get some lunch? I am starving."

I sighed, "I just ate."

"Well then I will let you eat off my plate if you wish."

I nodded and we all made our way downstairs and into the kitchen. Everyone was seated at the table eating. Edward sat down and followed him. He filled his plate with carrots, celery, cauliflower, shrimp, cheese and crackers, mini hot dogs, chips and salsa and finally chocolate chip cookies. He sat the plate in between us and started eating.

I grabbed some celery and began nibbling on it. I saw Edward smile next to me.

"I am making potato soup for tonight – our little New Year's Eve tradition."

A few hours later my dad arrived. I threw my arms around his neck, "Dad!"

"It's good to have you home again Bella."


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 – BPOV**** (Still Present Day)**

"It's good to be home dad."

"Flight go okay?"

I nodded, "It was good."

We headed into the living room and I sat down next to Edward. He put his arm around me and I melted into his embrace. He leaned over and pressed his lips to my temple, "You okay?"

I smiled, "Fine."

We spent the afternoon watching tv, playing games, and hanging out. I could see the sheer happiness in Edward's face and joy in his eyes. As the evening drew closer, I slipped into the kitchen and started making supper. I nibbled on crackers as I worked.

"Need any help in here Bells?"

I glanced up at my dad and shrugged, "Just as long as you promise not to burn anything."

He chuckled, "It only happened that one time and you know it!"

I giggled with him, "I know but I am never going to let you forget it or live it down."

"Great…"

He stood next to me and we worked in silence for a little while before he sighed and leaned against the counter.

"Can I talk to you about something important?"

"Of course dad."

"This is kind of hard for me to say but look kiddo, I'm really worried about you."

I stopped what I was doing and turned to face him, "How so?"

"You're so thin. I didn't really see it until today."

I glanced down, "I know. Alice bought me some new clothes. I have lost some weight."

"Some?"

"Okay, okay – so I went from a medium to an extra small."

His eyes widened and he took in a sharp breath, "Bella…"

"I know. I'm trying though dad."

"That's all I ask kiddo."

We went back to preparing the meal and finished quickly. Esme came in smiling a little bit later.

"You two have been in here all this time."

"It was the least we could do."

"Always the charmer, Charlie."

We set the table and called everyone in. Emmett grumbled how he was missing the game but Rose promised no sex if he didn't stop whining – he shut up real fast.

"Wow this if amazing," Carlisle exclaimed taking another bite. Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Well all the culinary expertise was Bella's, I just cut up some things."

Edward leaned over, "I know something that tastes better though. It also happens to come from you."

I blushed as he nibbled on my earlobe.

"Enough with the PDA at the table, eewwwww."

Edward pulled back and glared at Emmett. Rose smacked the back of his head.

"Ouch, Rosie!"

"Leave them alone will you?"

"I was just messing with them. It's actually nice to see them back to normal again."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Em rolled his eyes, "Nothing Ed – it's just you guys haven't been, well you, in awhile."

Edward just cocked an eyebrow at his brother.

"Shit, this isn't coming out right."

"Then, enlighten us… please," Edward responded sarcastically.

Emmett sighed, "Okay well you two were so open with everything and then we left so you were mad at each other. Then you both tried to commit suicide, then well you were all closed off with one another with your therapy and now… well you're like you used to be… before, expect with the whole crutches and skinny thing."

I flinched and Edward glared even harder – if that's possible. Rose smacked Emmett again.

"Jesus what?"

I stood and left the table before anyone could say anything more about my size today. I ended up in Edward's room where I proceeded to slam, then lock the door. I cried for awhile… then when that subsided I got pissed at myself. How in the hell had I managed to waste away like this? I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I was half the girl I used to be.

"Bella? Please open the door."

That would be Edward. I walked to the door, opened it a fraction and refused to meet his eyes.

"I just need to be alone for awhile please."

Before he could respond I shut and locked the door again. I slid down the wall, letting the tears flow freely down my cheeks. I didn't even bother wiping them away.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I want to apologize Edward."

"I think you've done enough damage for one night Em. Just leave."

"No – I need to apologize."

"Well she wants to be alone now thanks to you."

"Jesus what the hell is wrong with you? I'm sorry okay?"

"Well you should be. Do you realize today was the first day she finally saw what she looked like in the mirror?"

"You mean…"

"Yes! She didn't realize she'd lost so much weight. Jesus Em do you think she wants to look so skinny?"

"I don't know!"

"And now you've gone and opened your big mouth – alerting everyone within a mile's hearing distance that Bella has dropped a lot of weight. Did you call CNN while you were at it?"

"Ed I said I'm sorry man. I didn't mean for it to come out like that! God I'm just as worried about her as you are."

I continued listening to their argument until I couldn't take it anymore. I yanked the door open and pulled Emmett into the room by his shirt collar, before slamming the door shut and locking it again.

He stood there stunned for a minute before I broke down into his arms.

"Oh Bella. I'm so sorry."

"Oh Em. Why me? Why didn't anyone tell me sooner?"

He held me tightly to his chest as the sobs escaped me.

"Sshhh, it's okay. We'll get you fattened back up in no time. You just stick with me Bells. If you start eating like me you'll be back to your old self within a week."

I let a small giggle escape my lips as I released my desperate grasp around his neck. We sat on the floor facing one another.

"Bella – I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like it did. You really aren't that skinny."

"But I've definitely lost weight."

"Well… yeah."

"When did you notice it?"

He shifted uncomfortably, "It kind of happened slowly. I mean you were always at that hospital swamped in such big clothes. Today was the first time, I think, any of us realized how tiny you had gotten."

I nodded, "Me too. Believe me Emmett I didn't try to do this."

"I know," he said patting my knee. "But you just stick with me small fry – we'll get you at a healthy weight in no time."

I stood and smiled at him, "Thanks Emmett."

He stood and wrapped his arms around me, "Now I think you need to let Edward in – he looks like shit out there."

The rest of the night went by quickly. The New Year rang in with no problems and Edward and I decided to start it off right.

*****Five Months Later*****

"How are you feeling today Bella?"

"I'm all right. I'm just excited to see who has been enjoying kicking me so much."

"You can feel it already?"

I nodded, "Not a lot, but it's there."

I slid into Alice's passenger seat and rested my hands on my belly. The pregnancy had saved me from starving to death. I was now a very healthy weight but then again I was five months pregnant.

"We're meeting Edward there. He and Jasper are driving from their class."

"Yeah… that's what he said this morning. Thanks for skipping class with me today Al."

"Are you kidding? I'm about to meet my niece or nephew here – I would much rather be with you than in some stinky old class."

I laughed, "Well I appreciate it nonetheless."

I rested my head against the seat and watched the scenery flash by me. I thought back to four months ago when I was huddled in Alice's bathroom waiting to see if the two little pink lines showed up – oh boy did they.

_Edward had been pounding on the door for about ten minutes before Alice finally answered the door._

"_What the hell did you do to her Alice?"_

"_Edward…"_

"_Bella – baby, what is it?"_

_I held up the positive pregnancy test. He knelt down in front of me and cupped my face into his hands._

"_Talk to me baby."_

"_I'm… we're pregnant…"_

_After the shock wore off he scooped me into his arms and crushed his lips to mine. Not quite the reaction I had been imagining._

_He rested his forehead against mine and placed one hand on my belly, "Really baby?"_

_I nodded. _

The rest was history. We went to the doctor to confirm it and now we were scheduled for our five-month check up.

"You doing okay over there?"

"I'm fine – just thinking."

"Have you guys picked out names yet?"

"No. We haven't really had time to discuss it with classes and all."

"I still don't understand why took as many hours as you both did. Seems kind of crazy."

"We had to because when the baby comes we won't be able to take anything for awhile until we get a schedule down."

"I know, but I mean you've been so sick and Edward is stressed out beyond belief that he still has to use that cane and he has been trying to take care of you… It's been a lot on both of you."

"It has. I know the cane makes him stressed out because he still isn't where he should be but we can't help that. We've have done everything but when he went down those steps he shattered that right leg in several spots. They did the best they could but sometimes there is a lingering limp. He is one of the few that will require more surgery but he is stubborn enough to think that it will just go away so he refuses to take the pain medication"

"He is an idiot sometimes."

"He doesn't realize how it affects me though. Every face, grunt, snide comment… it hurts Alice. I don't like seeing him this way."

She reached over and grabbed my hand, "I'll talk to him."

"Good luck."

She laughed and we pulled into the parking lot. Edward met us at the front door. He leaned down and kissed me before opening the door and limping in behind me. We were taken straight back to the room where I had to put on a gown and lay down on the table. Edward stood next to me holding my hand.

"How was class?"

He shrugged, "I don't really know. It was hard to pay attention."

"Edward I think we need to talk about…"

There was a knock on the door, "Edward, Bella? I'm Dr. Marks. It's nice to see you again."

He came in and asked me some basic questions about how I was doing.

"So you're still feeling nauseous in the mornings?"

"Sometimes. It depends on what everything smells like. For example this morning eggs sounded fabulous but yesterday I wanted to gag when someone even mentioned them."

"Well let's take a look here, shall we?"

He moved my gown open and placed his hands around my belly.

"Well everything feels really good, but let's do the sonogram and see if we can get you some pictures okay?"

He messed around for a few minutes running the wand over my belly a few times before he finally turned the monitor to us.

"You see this here? That would be the head, and then this over here… that would be the second head."

My eyes widened, "Twins?"

He nodded and smiled at us, "Looks that way. Would you like to know the sexes?"

Edward was frozen beside me as I nodded.

"Looks like it is going to be two little girls."

"Oh my. Thank you Dr. Marks."

"I'll just get some pictures printed and let you get dressed. Don't forget to schedule another appointment in three weeks."

He got up and left and I stood to get dressed. I moved slowly, still shocked over everything. Well that's what we get when we decided to not get a sonogram done until now. I pulled on my shirt and grabbed my coat and purse.

"Edward? You coming?"

He looked up at me, "Yeah."

I left the room and scheduled my next appointment. She handed me the pictures just as Alice bounded up to me.

"Well?"

I handed her the pictures. I was very amused as her eyes widened and nothing came from her mouth, no squeal, no scream, nothing – she wasn't even crying. She was frozen. Now I know where Edward got it from.

Jasper walked up beside her and glanced at the picture.

"Oh wow – twins. Congratulations Bella."

"Thanks Jasper."

"Where is Edward?"

I turned around to see him not behind me like I thought he was.

I shrugged, "I don't know. Alice can we go home now? I'm pretty tired."

She was still speechless and frozen next to Jasper.

"Hey babe, why don't you go find Edward? I will drive Bella home."

She barely nodded as she shuffled towards the room he was still in. Jasper linked is elbow with me and guided me out to his car.

"He'll come around. So will Alice. They are just in shock."

I didn't say much as we drove home. I couldn't focus. I knew Edward wasn't happy about this. I mean he barely moved when he found out I was having his twin girls. I just wanted to get out. I needed to be alone to think and the only place I knew I could do that was at my dads. As soon as Jasper dropped me off I went immediately upstairs and started packing my bag. I didn't want to see anyone, let alone explain myself so I quickly grabbed everything and slipped downstairs to my car.

I started the engine and backed out of the garage. As I was pulling out of the driveway I noticed Alice and Edward pulling in. I didn't even wave as I sped off down the road. I got to my dads quickly and he was, needless to say, very surprised to see me.

"Hey Kiddo. I didn't know you were stopping by today."

I grabbed my bags out of my car, "Hey dad."

He frowned as he came out to get them from me, "Want to explain this?"

I sighed, "Not really, but let's get inside first."

I followed him into the house. He set my bags on the steps and grabbed my elbow, leading me into the living room, "Spill."

I sank into the couch.

"I had my first ultrasound done today."

I handed him one of the pictures.

"After Edward found out that we were having twin girls he didn't say anything. Alice acted the same way. I needed some time alone, just to think so I had Jasper drive me home and then I packed my bags."

"No one knows you're here?"

"No, and I would like to keep it that way. I don't want to talk to anyone right now."

"Bella – you have to give him a chance. He was in shock."

"No, that's not shock. And it's not just that dad. He won't do anything about his leg. It's affecting me so much and he just… I… I am going to go lie down. Promise me you'll keep the wolves at bay? I want to be alone."

He nodded, "Okay Kiddo."

I went upstairs, grabbing my bags on the way. I changed into a pair of sweats and curled into my old bed. I tried to fight the tears that had been threatening me since the doctor's appointment but they poured down my cheeks anyway. I finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.


	15. Epilogue

**Epilogue – BPOV**** (Five Years Later)**

"Sweetie, are you coming downstairs or am I going to have to get Grandpa Charlie?"

I loved my daughters – I really did. The last five years had been nothing but hell on my but they were my only reason for living now.

"But I don't want to go!"

"Arista Kathleen you get your little butt down here this instant! You will not be late on your first day of kindergarten!"

She stomped down the stairs wearing bright pink and lime green tights, a black knee length poufy skirt that looked more like a tutu than anything else, and her blue cookie monster t-shirt. She topped it all off with her pair of light up unicorn tennis shoes. I sighed and shook my head, only Arista.

"Well it's better than nothing. We have to go."

Ilianna Sephora pulled on my pant leg, "Will daddy be there?"

"You know he is picking you up this afternoon and dropping you off just before bedtime tonight."

She frowned but turned and skipped out to the car. Edward and I hadn't gotten back together after the girls were born. Through all that therapy and all the shit that had happened to us in the past we still couldn't seem to be together. Not that we weren't working on it. We both worked the same shift in the same hospital wing at Forks General and we usually had patients that we collaborated together on, but we still weren't even engaged. I still lived at home, even after his insisting on us getting a place together.

Arista finally grabbed her backpack and we were off. I parked and walked them in. Arista's sense of style and beautiful deep green eyes made her the envy of all the girls in the class, except her sister of course. Even though Arista took after Edward in more ways than one, Ilianna mirrored me. She specifically wanted her brown hair shoulder length, with bangs framing her face – just like me. Our brown eyes were one in the same, while Arista had the copper hair like her father – she even used his technique of running her fingers through it to style it. Unfortunately her wild mass of curls were adorable and it made her all the more irresistible.

I gave them hugs and was off to work.

"Bella! How did this morning go?"

I laughed, "You mean before or after Arista decided to dress up like a rainbow?"

Susan laughed, "That girls got her daddy's spirit all right."

"Please tell me you took a picture Bella."

I turned around to find Edward heading toward me. I pulled out my cell and handed it to him. He smiled immediately.

"You let her dress like that?"

"She's your daughter. Notice how Ilianna decided on the typical jeans/t-shirt combo?"

"Well she's your daughter."

I laughed and grabbed my cell, "I told them you would be there after school."

"Great. Well shall we start our day?"

We glanced at the chart and sighed, "Another teenager."

I nodded, "Well let's go work our magic."

Three hours later we were taking our deserved break. Since Forks had become one of the finest treatment facilities for leukemia we were getting more and more patients that were teenagers. It was hard dealing with the emotional trauma of all of it, but we knew exactly what to say, how to say it, and how to deal with the aftermath of both successes and failures. We were a pretty great team at work. Too bad our personal lives hadn't clicked like that yet.

"Bella we really need to talk."

"About?"

"Us. I want to be with you so much it hurts. This morning was agony. Not waking up beside you, taking the girls together on their first day of school. It isn't right and it's not fair to them… or you."

"We agreed…"

"I know what we agreed to but damn it I want more!"

"So do I…"

"I'm not the same person I was five years ago. Damn it, I got that surgery and now I am walking fine. I want to be with you and the girls every waking second of the day."

"I want you there too, but we decided…"

"What we decided no longer applies. I love you Bella. I want to marry you."

My jaw dropped open, "You're proposing?"

He dropped down on one knee, "We've been together off and on for far too long. We know everything about each other. I have a big beautiful empty house that deserves to be filled with your laughter, our daughter's giggles. I love you. I don't want to be with anyone else but you. Marry me Bella, marry me and make our dreams finally come true."

"Edward… I don't know what to say."

"Say yes Baby. We don't have to get married right away. I just need the girls to know that we aren't going anywhere. I want you to move in. I want to start our lives together as a family."

I could only nod. Was this really happening? Edward proposing and our time was finally coming where we could just be together?

He slid the ring on and I couldn't stop the tears. He cradled my face carefully in his hands while he pressed his lips to mine.

"I love you."

"I love you too. I always have."

He smiled and rested his forehead against mine. The rest of the day passed in a blur. We decided to drop off my car at his house and pick up the girls together. Needless to say they squealed as they launched themselves into our arms. Ilianna noticed my ring and began to cry. Arista just hugged her sister as Edward hugged me. We got into the car and drove home as a family for the first time.

*****Two Years Later – EPOV*****

"Second grade, that's a big step!"

"I know dad! But it feels weird because I haven't been away from Tanner since he's been born."

"He's five weeks old Arista – he'll be fine. Now go find your sister so we can get your both to school."

I looked down at my son – he looked so much like Bella it was scary. She scampered off as Bella walked into the kitchen with a sleepy Zarek. We had gotten married that weekend at the courthouse and even a very pissed off Alice showed up.

"I swear if he's as much like you when he gets older I am going to start having the girls get him up!"

I chuckled and kissed her forehead. The girls came back in wearing matching outfits. I sighed.

"Ilianna…"

"What?"

"Never mind."

Bella smiled, "Well at least they can dress themselves."

I chuckled, "If you say so but aren't they supposed to grow out of this stage when they are like four?"

She laughed, "Well since they never dressed alike until Tanner was born I'd say they are feeling left out? Or they just want attention and they will get it, wearing that, at school today."

I rolled my eyes, "You girls ready?"

They nodded and we all piled into the SUV. It was just another day in the life of us Cullen's.


End file.
